Neighbors
by beatleing
Summary: A story about what would had happened if Demelza actually had left Ross after his speech in s02e10. Where would she go? What would she do? What would Ross do? I love this two, and I think Ross deserves to suffer a bit longer and Demelza deserves better from him.
1. Chapter 1: Moving Out

**Chapter 1: Moving Out**

Demelza left Nampara in a cold december morning. She would have gone in the middle of the night but Ross insisted she should wait until the sun would rise. Jud helped her with their luggage, and as soon as the rain stopped they were on their way. It looked like the sky was against her, keeping her prisoner in that place that was once her own home and Ross tried, he tried to convince her to stay, said that he loved her, that he was mistaken, that Elizabeth would never come between them again. And she tried to believe him, but at the end it was too late. He didn't say anything she hadn't heard before so she had to go.

The grey light of the new day found Ross no longer trying to make amends with his wife but pleading her not to go to Illugan:

' _Please spare me the thought of my son living with your father'_ -He'd said to her to make her reconsider, but she replied she didn't have another place to go.

' _Then stay here'_

' _Nay Ross, I can't…'_

' _I'll go if you don't want to live with me anymore, but this is your home…'_

' _I can't. I'll see you in every room, hear you in every little sound, feel you in… I just can't, I don't want to.'_

If Ross have been blind for who knows how many years, now it was Demelza who couldn't see. The hurt in her so deep, numbing all her senses, she only knew her resolution and she would carry on with it. Ross was in despair, all his life turned to ashes. The hope he had yesterday afternoon while returning from Plymouth was another dream, he had lost her, the true love of his life was leaving him.

He needed more time; she couldn't go in the middle of the storm but now the rain had stop and the sun would be out in any moment. He saw her looking out the window behind him and then at the door.

' _You can't go to your father.'_

' _I'll go wherever it pleases me'_

He sighed at the stubbornness of his wife, and an idea came to his mind.

' _What about Dwight's cottage?'_

' _What about Dwight's cottage?'_ -and her replied sound like a mock.

' _You could go and stay there for awhile, Dwight cleared his stuff away before he went to war, and is bigger than any other one.'_

' _What about when he returns?'_

' _If he returns, I don't think they'll live there, him and Caroline. I don't believe she'd want to live there.'_

Good for me but not good enough for a Lady, she thought.

' _I don't know Ross, it's too close…'_

' _Just for now, while we think in something else...'_

' _But people will talk, if I'll go away you could said that I went to stay with my family for a time, that my father is ill, or you could just say…'_

' _Say what?! That you left me?'_

' _Or that I died!'_

' _Have you lost your mind?!'_

Ross put his hands in his head. Anger mixing with despair inside him.

' _I meant… that would be easier for you. People will say things if I…'_

' _I don't care what people say!'_

He had to fight to control his temper. He didn't want to make things worse, he had resign it could not be better, but any misstep from him and there would not be anything to stop her from going far away from him. This arrangement give him time, she would still be close and he could think a way to come back to her. The fact that she would still think in what it was best for him meant that at some level she care for him after all, but she had been so angry and so disappointed of him, not that he wasn't disappointed himself, but the thought of leaving her for Elizabeth had never cross his mind, he was upset that she'd even considered that a possibility, broken by the fact she was actually going to do it.

For Demelza it was Ross who had left her. So many times going to Trenwith to be with that other woman, leaving her and her son to fetch for themselves. Or the time when he went to see Mark Daniel in that dangerous crusade even when she insisted him not to go, or that night when he helped with the smuggling risking himself to be caught by the soldiers, or just these days when he actually went to join the militia... This man... Enough, she wouldn't take it no more; she had her son to think about and let Ross deal with the consequences of his actions.

So she left.

She woke up Jeremy from his sleep, dressed him and at the door she told him:

 _'Say goodbye to papa'_

Ross hugged the child and gave him a kiss on his temple but didn't say anything. Demelza didn't say anything else either, there was nothing left. Garrick followed them, and Ross stood there, at the gates of the Nampara household looking at his family run away from him.

Prudie join him, or she had been there the whole time, he couldn't be sure.

 _'Tedn't right, tedn't fair, tedn't proper'_

 _'Go with them, be sure they have all they need to get settle.'_

 _'Are 'ee n't goin'?'_

 _'You heard her... oh, I'm certain you'd been overhearing everything. She doesn't want me anymore.'_

Prudie made a displeased face.

 _'With all 'ee respect Cap'ain Poldark, 'ee 're th' biggest dolt I ever known. Tis 'er who thinks 'ee don't want 'er no more, with all 'ee done to th' poor gurl'_

 _'But I told her, I don't know what else to say to her'_

 _''Ee were never very good with words mister Ross... maybe 'ee should stop talkin' and do somethin'. I'll go t' see they'll settle.'_

Ross came back inside the house, the silence so deafening, he couldn't remember when it have been like this, perhaps in the days following the death of Julia, when Demelza was still ill and the fear of losing her too obscured everything. He sat in the armchair next to the fire; that fire witness so many moments between them, when she was none but a child learning to sew, to read, when they used to talk when they were still master and servant, friends, when he kissed her for the first time out of madness and sorrow... For all the things that he had done thoughtlessly that was the most clever and luckiest one of all. Prudie was right, he was the most obtuse man ever to live and he deserved this, for she was the one who suffered most for his actions.

He saw her kneeling before him after the accident in the mine, he felt her hands in his hands, in his shoulders, he saw her cooking his dinner, singing to him in front of his family and knowns, he remembered her climbing a tree or under the cabinet when it fell upon her when she tried to move it, she still had a scar on her knee from that day. He remembered touching her big belly when she was pregnant with his childs, he would do that while she was sleeping and never knew if she could tell or not… All that was gone. He'd lost the only thing that was ever worth having.

He would not accept it.

* * *

 **Chapter 2:** **The** **New Doctor.**

AN: Hello everyone, I've been working in this story for a while and finally managed to post it. It should be 8 or 9 chapters long and I hope you enjoy it. For those who don't know, english is not my native language so sorry in advanced for any grammar mistake or lack of vocabulary.

The story is based on the BBC series and books of Poldark, all belonging to WG and the great DH.


	2. Chapter 2: The New Doctor

**Chapter 2: The new doctor**

Dwight's cottage was on the edge of a cliff next to the sea. The air was always wet and the wind blow never stopped. It was on the way to Wheal Grace, not very far away from Nampara.

Demelza, Jeremy and Jud arrived in the early morning, wet and cold from the journey to the empty house. Jud lit a fire a quickly went away, leaving Demelza to settle Jeremy and their belongings. The house wasn't big but it had one spacious living room with a big hearth, only one table and the kitchen all in the same space. There were another couple of rooms in the ground floor one of them apparently Dwight used as a laboratory because it was full of herbs, instruments and jars with horrible things in it, that Demelza didn't dare to look at and the other was the servant bedroom. Upstairs there were only two large rooms, the master bedroom and one for guests. One for her and one for Jeremy.

The cottage nearly had no windows and Demelza understood immediately why. The salted wind coming from the sea strained for every little opening it could find. Even with the fire's heat it was cold and because of the lack of windows, very dark. Jeremy looked scared at first and furious next. He was crying when Prudie arrived with candles and a basket with milk, some fruits, the pie that Demelza baked the day before and a bottle of port.

 _'Tedn't right, tedn't proper'_ -was the first thing the maid servant said to her- _'leavin' like tis. 'Eer home is Nampara.'_

 _'What do you have me do Prudie? I can't stay there with him, or without him when he decides to go to visit her again.'_

 _'That worm Warleggan tis in there. He won't go t' there again.'_

 _'So I must be content with that? Because George is there now Ross can´t go to see Elizabeth? And I must bear the sight of him being miserable about it? No Prudie, I can't.'_

 _'Mister Ross do care for 'ee mam...'_ -Prudie said in a non reproachable tone.

 _'I can take care for myself.'_

The women set to clean the house, there wasn't many furniture or too many windows to clean, so Prudie took Jeremy upstairs to try to sooth him and Demelza stood alone in the saloon of her new home. It wasn't hers of course, she thought. It belonged to him, like everything she possessed, everything she ever have was given to her by Ross. Her clothes, her ring, her food, the roof over her head, her children, every single thing belonged to Ross. As her. For the first time in her life she wondered what would had happened if they had not met, where would she be right now if Ross Poldark had never crossed her way. She could not even fathom it. Darkness. Her drunkard father would have made her married with a miner in an exchange for a few coins. She would not have Jeremy or Julia. She would never had learn how to write or read, perhaps she would be dead by now, drowned in the gutter. She believed that she could stand by herself, that she didn't need anyone, but in truth she had never been alone. She was a child when she left home, and even when her father beat her he also provided for her and gave her shelter, and then suddenly other man took care of her, she worked in return yes, but Demelza had never considered it a hard labor, she rather enjoyed take care of his home. So maybe she wouldn't be capable to do this, perhaps in a couple of days she would be knocking at his door begging him to let her in again...

It was at this mood when Ross arrived and the sight of him when Demelza was questioning her own capabilities didn't make him any favors to her eyes. If something it made it worst because he had his arms full of blankets and bed covers.

 _'I've bring firewood as well, this place can be so chilly. I'll go to get more wood...'_

 _'Thanks Ross, I can manage.'_ -she said while taking the blankets from his hands.

Demelza went to keep them upstairs and Ross stood there not very sure what to do. He was poking the fire when she came down again a while after.

 _'What are you still doing here Ross?'_

 _'Demelza. Are you really going to do this? Maybe... maybe you can stay home for a few days and...'_

 _'And what? What will be the difference?'_ -But she didn't let him reply _\- 'No Ross. We will stay here for now'_

 _'And Jeremy? Will I be able to see him?'_

It really confused her when he talked about Jeremy. When she'd see in his eyes how much it hurt him to be apart from him, it was not like this before, first he didn't want the child and then he barely even see him, yet alone to share moments with with him.

 _'If you want to'_

 _'Of course I want to.'_

He sounded broken. And she was really making an effort not to sound broken herself.

 _'You should go Ross.'_

He seemed at lost, the confident man that he was, so strong and sure with his body didn't know what to do or say. So he did go.

* * *

Something strange happened to Demelza that afternoon. Since Dwight arrival to Cornwall his main purpose had been to attend everyone who may need him, no matter if they could pay him or not, he made no distinction. At first, the common people so unused to receive such a privileged treatment distrusted the kind foreigner but with the years he had become one more of them, without actually being, he was there checking on them and they were grateful to him. But Dwight Enys didn't tell anyone that he was leaving so when Rosina and Betty Carkeek went to call him, surprised because he missed his round that morning, they were even more so when Demelza was the one to attend them.

Bettie wanted the doctor check on her little babe who had been with a fever in the last few days. Rosina needed her needless weekly check on her knee. Demelza told them about Dwight's departure and at their question of what she was doing there she had to devise a quickly excuse.

 _'Uhm, the uh... the smokestack is malfunctioning. Yes, the house fills with smoke when is lit, and with this cold... we came to stay here until it is repair.'_

 _'Tis closer t' the Wheal Grace for Capt'n Poldark'_ -Rosina remarked innocently.

 _'Yes, but he is to be stay in Nampara until it's fix.'_

 _'Oh.'_ -Both girls said.

 _'What happen' to little Ted?'_ -Demelza asked to change the subject.

 _'His been warm for the last couple of days'_

 _'May I see him?'_

It turned out the little babe had started the dentition and fever was a common symptom of it. Demelza having had two children herself knew this happen to every kid and she reassured the mother not to be worry. She also suggested her to find something soft for the child to bite and if he was crying much for no obvious reason she could wet her clean finger in a little rum and gently touch the babe's gums for the pain to calm down. The two girls watched her in amazement while she was given her the instructions.

 _'Thank 'ee mam, thank 'ee so much.'_

 _'Could 'ee see my knee too mam?'_

 _'Rosina... well, let me see. Are you doing what Dr. Enys told you? The exercises and the warm compresses at night?'_

 _'Yes mam'_

 _'I believe everything is fine, there is no soreness, just keep doing what you have been told and don't make sudden efforts.'_

So with the two young women went the tale that Dr. Enys had gone to war but also that the new inhabitant of the Doctor's old cottage was perfectly capable of fulfill his place.

The very next morning Demelza was called to attend an old woman who had been on the edge of passing for months, she'd refused to go at first, but the lady was a relative to Mrs. Martin who told her that she could not do anything to worsen the situation, so she went to see her. Demelza took with her some of the herbs she found in Dwight's medical room and remembered what she've heard him said time after time as soon as she enter the humble cottage.

 _'You need to take fresh air, open the windows in the morning and when is not too cold you should sit under the sun outside and walk if you can, I'm sure your niece will help you. And drink a tea of this at night.'_

If the poor treatment would help or not she did not know, but the old woman seem pleased to hear what Mrs. Poldark have to say and she looked some revitalized just preparing for her visit. So, since that day Demelza found women coming with or without their children to ask for her advise when they were or seem ill and if they couldn't get to her cottage Demelza would visit them in the mornings, not that she thought highly of herself but she had spent enough time with Dwight to know that generally people, specially poor people needed someone to talk to and to be listen to, plus everything she remembered of his treatments in addition to what an old gypsy woman had taught her when she was little and her own experience with her children and six younger brothers, and in the absence of good Dr. Enys, she was at least more prepared than any of the other woman, and if the patient was seriously ill Demelza would send for Dr. Choake.

Ross knew nothing of this.

The first couple of days he went to check upon his wife and child very early in the morning on his way to Wheal Grace and on the way back late in the afternoon before supper but Demelza had told him that she was alright and that Jeremy was always sleeping when he went to the mine so it was pointless he should stop by to see him in the mornings. So he knew naught about the group of women that every day gathered in the barn, as Prudie had suggested, or her visits to Sawle or the gifts that they made to her for her kindness, that she had rejected but Prudie accepted in her behalf.

About a week after Demelza had move out Captain Henshawe entered the mine's office and some agitated told him:

 _'Ross, glad I found you before you leave'_ -It was late and Ross was putting on his vest and coat to ride to see Jeremy.

 _'It something the matter?'_

 _'No, I mean, I wanted you to thank your wife for me again. She was such a help to Mary...'_

Ross remained quiet not knowing what he was talking about, and Henshawe saw the questioning on his face.

 _'Yesterday, Mrs. Poldark helped my wife to deliver our daughter, I thought she would tell you...'_

 _'Oh! Of course, I'm awful with these things... Congratulations!'_ -Ross shook hands with the mine's foreman - _'How is Mrs. Henshawe and the child?'_

 _'They are fine, thanks to Mrs. Poldark actually. It was a tough birth and if your wife wasn't to be there I dare not think what could have happened. But she was and for that I'll be forever grateful to her, to you both.'_

 _'My friend, I did nothing.'_

 _'You let her help us, and so many more. You must be so proud of her, knowing you like I do... I made you comfortless, my apologies.'_

 _'Not at all'_ -He said a bit uncomfortable, but not for what he was saying, but for the fact that he knew nothing about it.

 _'Anyway, I'll have to ask you to do me a favor.'_

 _'Anything'_

 _'Please convince her to accept our gift, we are in debt to her and it would really ease our hearts to know that she will receive this small gesture. I had gave her a beautiful young mare, she's very meek, so you don't have to worry, and we'll like her to have her but she won't accept. Please tell your wife to keep her, I know it will be a help for her rounds to the village.'_

 _'Rounds? Uhmm... A mare? It's too much'_

 _'It's nothing compared to what she did for us, please Ross.'_

 _'If it means that much to you, sure. But I am sure Demelza helped you expecting nothing in return'_

 _'Of course, I'm very certain of that. She's a wonderful woman Ross.'_

* * *

As soon as Demelza opened the door for him, Ross was greeted with a cheerful scream from Jeremy. The little boy ran to him with his hands in the air and he caught him, took him in his arms and kissed him in his forehead.

It have been like this since the first day, his son was growing up fast and Ross enjoyed spending as much time was possible with him, which now was actually more time than what he usually spent with him since his birth. While they were still at the house Jeremy would sat playing at his feet in the library while he worked in the mine's papers, now he'd shared with his son a couple of hours every day before his supper, and he stayed there until it was his time for bed. The first few of days Jeremy had cried when Ross meant to leave

 _'Papa, I want to go home!'_

He said between hiccups, so Demelza had agreed to let him stay until their child was asleep. That day before he went back to Nampara he said to her:

 _'Captain Henshawe wants for you to keep the mare.'_

 _'Oh.'_ -she didn't say anything for a few moments and Ross waited for her reaction.

 _'I can't accept it, 'tis too much'_

' _He told me you helped his wife and you've been going to the village to tend people'_

' _Not to tend them but help them if I can…'_

Ross was very serious, with his typical brood between the eyes and his tone was sharper than he intended.

' _How can you help them? You are not a doctor Demelza'_

If she remained calm until then she now was offended by his implication.

' _I know that and I don't pretend to be but…'_

' _And you charge to them?'_ \- He cut her off.

' _No! Ross, I would never do that but…'_

' _This must stop. You will accept Henshawe's mare, but that would be it, you won't go to make "rounds" again.'_

' _I will do whatever it pleases me and you don't have a say in it'_

' _For you to take advantage of this people?'_

' _I'm not taking advantage, the children need help, someone to look for them and to counsel the mothers and with Dwight gone…'_

' _You think you can fill his place?'_ \- He said in disbelief

' _As a matter of fact I do. I have two, one child and raised six younger brothers. This people need some medical attention and I remember what Dwight used to do, his methods. I don't claim to know everything in fact I didn't ask for this, but they came to me, what would you have me do, send them away?'_

' _Yes.'_

' _Well I won't. Even if I stop going to the cottages I can't prevent them to come here. And I don't ask them to pay me, if they could afford a doctor they would go to Choake, for what little that will help. So, unless you will be the one to see to the babes or manage to get another doctor who don't take away every single penny they have to diagnose a simple cold, I will still do it, even when you think that I'm not good for it.'_

Ross was cowardly by the eloquence of his wife. He clearly hadn't thought the way she did, he was more concerned about her walking alone every day at down.

' _That's not what I meant. You shouldn't been doing that, you are a Lady…'_

' _I told you that I could never be such a thing. Perhaps that's what you've always wanted, a porcelain doll embroidering next to the fire looking out the window anxiously waiting for you to come and rescue. You know I'm not such a one.'_

' _I… I've never…'_

But he had no words. Yes, he didn't want for her to go around alone between the miners, but not for the reason she thought. The real motive was something that Ross couldn't even think for himself for more than a moment without growing a horrible feeling in his chest, whenever that thought invaded him he felt some sort of desperation unknown to him before. He couldn't say it out loud, yet alone tell it to Demelza.

But Ross didn't know how soon he was going to be force to confront that fear.

' _You should leave.'_

 **Next Chapter: McNeil.**

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading and following this story and the lovely comments, keep them coming!. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3: McNeil

**Chapter 3: McNeil**

' _What have 'ee done t' the maid?'_

Prudie asked him the next morning, her arms like a jar against her big body and a reproval look on her face. Since Demelza left their servant had been coming and going from Nampara to the cottage every day and surprisingly she hadn't complained for the extra exercise, he suspected that if she had to choose she would stay with Demelza, but she knew better than to cross him. For that she had not refused when he told her that she should stay the nights in the cottage with her mistress but she should come back to Nampara to do the general chores required and to prepare his meals.

Ross was still upset with Demelza. He had tried to reason with her, explained her, told her that he love her. He couldn't change the past and even if he could he wasn't sure he wanted to. He knew he'd hurt her by spending the night with Elizabeth so many months ago, but that was over. He had never thought of leaving his family and yet no matter what he said she had gone. And their situation hadn't improved in the last couple of weeks. Whenever he went Demelza ignored him as much as she could, only talking to him when he asked her a direct question, and the answer was always elusive or with a bitter tone. And now this. Like she didn't care what he has to say anymore. She didn't care, that was a fact, but she should see that these ramblings to the village were not proper for a lady. She should be in her home attending her responsibilities and no outside alone and within reach of any miner or gentleman who may desire to talk to her or who realized that in his absences he could call on her and she could spend time with them. Again at that thought he felt the nuisance in his stomach.

' _Me?'_

' _Yes thee. Wha' did 'ee said to 'er? She be crying all night'_

' _Only that she should not be doing 'rounds' and taken advantage of poor folks with more than she's capable of. And you, I'm amazed that you're not against this, you know that is not proper for a lady.'_

' _Advantage? First she be no' doing such thing. 'er be helping them. Second, Demelza Poldark be no lady… not in tha' way'_

' _She is my wife, she's a gentle woman and she won't keep doing that.'_

' _Oh, and how 'ee going t' stop 'er? The two of 'ee, hard in the head. I tell 'ee Prudie is upset too. And tired, very tired. Com'in and going all day. And any of 'ee say 'Thank 'ee Prudie'. No. Tis no right.'_

Ross went back to his papers pretending not to hear the complains of his maid while Prudie stayed pouting, her hands like fists still in her waist. Finally when she thought he wouldn't say anything else she turned around to leave.

' _Why was she crying?'_

' _Judas! How may I know tha'. She was fine yesterday and today… she be like she were two weeks ago.'_

He sighed. _'I don't like her taking money from the villagers…'_

' _Money? She be taking no money. Some of the women sometimes bring her presents, a piece of clothes for 'er or for master Jeremy, a piece of bread or a little animal…'_

' _Charity. Even better. '_

'… _or some fruits. But she can't reject them. They know she must not be doin' that but she help 'em and that's 'eir way t' thank 'er. And she don't keep wi' much of it. She make preserves and 'er and Jinny be makin' new clothes and makin' stew and give it t' the poor folks. Well, Jinny and Mss. Martin go t' Sawle and deliver what little she can afford, they said is in behalf of Mss. Poldark of Nampara, though mistress Demelza don't know that.'_

' _Oh… but… but why she didn't say so to me last night?'_

' _Did 'ee give 'er a chance?'_

Prudie replied like she was in a higher station than him, if anyone could hear them now they would think they were a mother scolding her son. Ross did not answer.

' _I thought so. Thee not hear her much do 'ee?'_

Still Ross remained silent, like a kid caught up in a miss manner. Prudie sighed and went in further in the library, the bed in which Ross slept still next to the fire, until she stood facing him in front of his desk.

' _May I tell 'ee somethin' Mister Ross?'_

He just nodded.

'' _Ee have no' been good t' that gurl. I don't know wha' cross t' yur stubborn head when 'ee married 'er but all mistress ever done was take care of thee and yur house and yur children…'_

' _You change your tune, I remember what you said when I first brought her here'_

' _Yes. And what did 'ee do? Ignored her. And treat 'er like she knew nothing like 'er no even existed.'_

' _That's not true. You know that's not true, all I did was to work for her, for them, for they don't miss anything…'_

' _And she knows? 'Ee know what she told me once? That she thought she was yur torment… and 'ee know how many a times she was the one who put food in our bellys?...'_

' _My torment?'_

' _Do I need to tell 'ee about that night in may too? Tis not right what 'ee did to 'er.'_

Ross's eyes turned darker and his chin got harder.

' _No. That won't be necessary. Prudie… I'll fix this… somehow'_

' _Well 'ee better do! I cannot be coming and going… Poor Prudie…'_

* * *

Ross tried to be more understandful in the next days about Demelza new occupation. But still felt uneased about her being on her own and going around in the village, times were hard and no longer peaceful with the war in France. But Demelza remained distant, no matter how many times he went to see her. Every day he had gone a bit earlier than usual to spend time with their son but she always find something to do to keep herself busy while he was there and when he told her that she could keep helping people she took offence and said that she didn't need his permition to do what she wanted.

He had gone to Truro one morning to see his banker and returned to Nampara soon after lunch. He was setting Darkie in the barn when he saw something moving in the stack.

' _Who is there?'_

' _Blame me liver Capt'n Ross!'- said Jud Paynter coming out of his_ _hiding place_ _–'till 'be 'ee. I thought they were goin' t' take this poor servant. 'Tis no fair, 'tis no proper! Jud lived 'is life by the law…'_

' _What are you talking about? Who is going to take you? '_

' _The red coats! And that Capt'n who come here asking for the mistress. Ehhh… what was 'is name?... Mc…'_

' _McNeil?!'_

' _That be the one with 'is moustache'_

' _McNeil came? Where is he?!'_

Suddenly Ross was almost screaming. He took Jud very hard from the arm and almost shook him to get him to answer.

' _Prudie took 'e to see the mistress. 'e was coming t' take me, I'll tell 'ee, he said "Where is that man who call himself Jud Paynter and where is 'is mistress?". So Prudie took 'e to the mistress cottage and I be here since then.'_

Ross wasn't listening anymore.

* * *

Demelza had just finished helping Jeremy with his lunch when Prudie arrived with a companion.

' _Judas! What were you thinking bringing him here?'_

Prudie, who didn't know anything about Demelza and McNeil's antics made a face and purse her lips.

' _He ask for 'ee, so I brought 'im here. Should I send 'im away?'_

' _Where is he?'_

'' _E be outside waitin'. Told him to stay there until I tell 'ee.'_

' _Judas.'_ -Demelza said again. What could he possible want? After that dreadful night at Weary House she couldn't imagine why he would want to see her again. To mock her? To pursue his original intentions? To apologize? If he was already there she couldn't send him away without knowing, up until that day he had been very kind and polite to her and Demelza couldn't help to feel curious. Besides, ever since she moved there they haven't received any social visit apart from the women from the village, their children and Ross. And the women didn't enter the cottage, some kind of surgery was prepared in the barn according with Prudie's instructions so the only apprehension in Demelza was what McNeil was going to say.

Demelza told Prudie to let him in, and that for no reason she should leave them alone. She went upstairs to change her dress and to fetch Jeremy so he could play with Prudie.

Malcom McNeil was sitting at the only table in the humble parlour, in his uniform, with his hair slightly shorter than the last time they had seen each other. He stood up when he saw her coming down the stairs.

' _Mistress Demelza…'_

' _Captain McNeil. You shouldn't be here, I don't think this is apropia…'_

' _I came to apologize. If you'd be so kind and give me a moment of your time I could do it properly.'_

' _Oh.'_ -still reluctant but now with a bit more confidence that he was not there to chastise her, she pointed the chair for him to seat again. She sat in front of him while Jeremy played with Prudie near the stairs.

'Mistress Demelza'-he started again-'all this months that I've been away on duty there's been only one memory that tormented my dreams and I can't depart from this earth having lost your favor. I deeply apologize for my behavior that night at the Bodrugan's party. I took advantage of you, of the situation, and even though in the moment I thought my feelings were reciprocated I was clearly mistaken and would dearly like to have your pardon.'

Demelza was speechless. Touched by his gesture but even more for the fact that he would spill such words when her husband was unable to.

'Do you forgive me, Demelza?'- He said in that over sweet cloying voice, the same that he used that night.

'The fault was not entirely yours.'

'It was. I mistook your intentions and walked over your pain. Do you forgive me?'

'Only with one condition, '-Demelza told him after thinking for a few seconds –'that you forgive me for my improper behavior as well and we both forget what happened that night.'

Malcom McNeil smiled to her. And she couldn't help to smile him back.

'Very well. Although forget what happened between us that night will be very difficult. Almost impossible I could say…'

'Captain McNeil…'

'Malcom. Please. If we are friends again we shall not undone the path that we already walk together.'

He was talking low now and Demelza unconsciously move her body closer to the table that separated them to hear him better. Prudie tried harder to listen too.

'Are you on holiday's leave… Malcom?'-he looked surprised by the change of subject.

'Yes. I must rejoined my comrades before the new year, which means that I must leave no longer than tomorrow afternoon'

'Oh. Are you staying with Sir Hugh again?'

'I will, I meant to visit him but I came here as soon as my ship arrived at the port.'

'But that must been hours ago… did you eat something on the way here? Are you hungry? I was about to have lunch…'

'That would be lovely my angel'-He whispered only for Demelza to hear.

She stood and set the table herself, Prudie did not move to help her but she preferred that way. She could put some distant between herself and her visitor. She didn't want him to think that what had happened in may could ever repeat again.

They ate in silence at first, only interrupted by Jeremy's complains, demanding to go to his bedroom and the noises coming from McNeil in appreciation of the food.

'I went to Nampara and your servant said that you weren't there and brought me here. Do you live here now?'

'Temporally, while the hearth is being fix…'

'And Captain Poldark too?'

'He comes after the afternoon shift in the mine.'

She avoided answer his question directly. Jeremy complaints had turned into heavy screaming and Prudie had to take him upstairs. He attentive watched them go.

'Did you tell him about us?'

'Yes.'-she hurried to reply-'Not everything, but what he needed to know.'

'Is that why you are living here?'

'What?'

'Did he cast you away?'

'No! He didn't!'-She stretched her back away from the table and suddenly realized that he must go-'I told you, he be here later.'

'But... he no longer lives with you doesn't he?'

'Malcom, I don't think that's of your concern...'

'It is, if you let it be. My angel, there is something else I came here to tell you. If my nightmares in these past months were about my behavior that night, my dreams were about you my sweetness...'

'Malcom...'

'It's obvious that by now you know of my attraction for you, but you must also know about my feelings...'

'Captain McNeil, I...'

'Listen to me my angel, I want you to come with me'

'Captain McNeil, I am a married woman...'

'And where is your husband now? I don't believe when you say that he will come, I think you left him, is it for me? For what happened between us?'

'Tis not for that, but he is still my husband and...'

'Then you must think in what I am asking you seriously. You should come to Winchester with me, I have a property is even better of what Poldark has in here, and I can offer so much more...'

'I love him Captain McNeil, I can't do that to him!'

'I'll treat you better than him, I would never cheat on you and...'

Demelza didn't know how it happened. She was sitting in front of McNeil one second and the next she saw his red coat fly from his seat to the floor. The door was open and Ross was screaming...

'How dare you coming here! You scoundrel!... How dare you talk to her...!'

He was on top of him, hitting him in the face. When she got next to them McNeil face was already cover in blood, also Ross's fist. He grabbed him by the neck with both hands and started to choke him.

'Ross! Stop it Ross, you'll kill him!'-Demelza begged to her husband.

But McNeil managed to let himself out of his grip, kicking him in his stomach. Ross fell at his side and McNeil could stand up, but before he could do anything Ross kick his leg and McNeil struggled not to fall. It all took place too quickly. Demelza was now walking behind Ross who was carrying the soldier by the collar of his coat out of the cottage. He dragged him to where he had left his horse and pushed him to the ground.

'If I ever see you again I'll kill you'

McNeil climbed on his horse with some difficulty, his nose was still bleeding and he had hit one side of his head with the floor and he was pressing it with his hand. Ross was watching every move of his, ready to attack him again. He managed to get on the horse to some distance from them and then he turned around...

'Demelza...'

'What did I tell you? She's my wife, Mistress Poldark!'

Ross started to run to him...

'Malcom!'-Demelza said, and Ross stood on the spot.

'Think about what I said. You know where I'll be, send word to me before tomorrow evening.'

And then he went away. Ross turned his head to see her, his gaze still violent. He walked next to her to get to his horse without saying a word.

'Ross... Ross!'

But he was already atop of Darkie and rode in the direction of the mine without looking back.

 **Next Chapter: Christmas Eve.**


	4. Chapter 4: Christmas Eve

**Chapter 4: Christmas Eve**

Demelza was waiting for Ross to get back from Wheal Grace to see Jeremy like he did every night. After he left her that afternoon without even a glance she was again in a turmoil of emotions, the kind of which she had not permitted herself to feel since the day she left Nampara. She was resolved that day, determined to start a new life away from the place that had been her home since she was barely more than a child. But now she had an opportunity to have another life, a one truly different to the one she lived until now. A life without Ross. If she went with McNeil she knew she would never see him again, and the idea fill her with anguish. She had to talk to him, to tell him that she didn't want McNeil that what had happened that night wasn't because she felt something for him but because she was blind with pain and hate. Hate for him, Ross. And that nothing had happened that afternoon, she'd be glad if she never saw him again. But it was getting late, and Ross didn't come to see his son.

Perhaps he was delayed in the mine, or had gone to town. He hadn't missed one single day since she left. Demelza ate alone with Jeremy, it was the time of the day when Prudie was at Nampara, and she would be back in any moment to spend the night with them. She put the child to bed, job that Ross used to do and her child reminded her of it. When Jeremy finally fell sleep and she could go down to the parlour again, Prudie was already there, a bottle of rum in her hand.

' _Didn't you see Ross in your way back? He didn't come to say good night to Jeremy…'_

'' _E be at Nampara. 'E be there for hours, locked in 'is library, didn't want t' be disturb.'_

' _Oh'_ -was all she could say.

' _I did tell 'ee not do the same tha' the goose. Tis never end well'_

Demelza gave her a biting look.

' _Stay with Jeremy.'_

And she went to Nampara.

* * *

She didn't think she would be there again. The front door was half open, there was no fire in the parlour's hearth so it was very cold inside and dark, the curtains from the windows closed and no candles lit. Garrick had followed her back to their old home, he practically opened the door to the kitchen and the glow from that room illuminated the darkness. He went to sit by the fire, but Ross wasn't there either. A bright line of light shone under the door of the library, Demelza slowly walked there and quietly knocked the door twice before stepping inside. Ross was on his feet next to his desk, he had been working and stood to see who was calling, it surprised him to see Demelza.

 _'What are you doing here? Is Jeremy alright?'-_ He was sharp, still angry for the afternoon events.

 _'Yes, yes. He was calling for you, he didn't want to go to bed without seeing you, but he's sleep now.'_

 _'Then what do you want?'_

She didn't expect the bitterness in his voice and she didn't like it, it was not fair. And now she was not so sure why she had come.

 _'How is your hand?'_ -she said.

 _'It's fine.'_

Both of them remained silent for a while, looking at each other without understanding what the other was thinking. Eventually Ross raised both hands in questioning

 _'Is that all?'_

 _'Yes... No... Why are you so upset?'_

 _'Why? You ask me why?! Do you recall what happened today? Do you remember that I got you with that ridiculous soldier?'_

 _'Got me? Doing what?! I was having lunch...'_

 _'With another man. A man that if I don't badly record you slept with!'_

 _'I didn't sleep with him Ross, I told you... and besides you have not right to... to'_

His anger offended her, she was baffled by it as she was sure she didn't expect him to be so cross.

 _'Oh yes! I have every right! You are my wife and you should respect me and honor me...'_

 _'Like you honored me?'_ -Demelza meant to leave but Ross caught her by her arm and turned her around, carrying her a few steps inside the room again.

 _'You can't do whatever you please Demelza, you have duties to your son, your home and to me. You can't go around in the village pretending to be something that you're not qualified for, nor going around common folks like you were still a miner's daughter. And least of all you can't encourage that stupid soldier to come here to take what is not his...'_

 _' .Go. I didn't encourage nobody Ross. Is that what Elizabeth did? Encouraged you and give you hope until you felt you had the right to take her?'_ -He let her go. The name of Elizabeth always created a hollow between them. He was still very close to her and she could see him struggling to keep his old demons behind. But now it was her who was vexed again, the feeling of worry and distress forgotten.- _'He came to apologize if you must know.'_

 _'Apologize for what?'_

 _'He... it doesn't matter anymore Ross. I have to go.'_

 _'For what Demelza, tell me.'_

She sighed before telling him _\- 'For his behavior the night of the Bodrugan party... he didn't act so gentile...'_

 _'What do you mean? I thought you told me you invited him to your room?'_

 _'Yes, I did. But then I didn't, and he didn't like it when I told him I did not want to be with him after all and he was kind of insidious...'_

Ross felt his rage rise again.

 _'Oh God, I should have killed him!... I will. Where is he staying?'_ -and he grabbed her by the arm again.

 _'No Ross!'_

 _'No?! Are you defending him? Tell me where he is...'_

 _'Yes Ross, I am defending him. He made a mistake, I provoked him and he made a mistake, but it was not only his fault.'_

 _'You've forgiven him? A stranger that tried to take advantage of you and you've forgiven him? While I... Why Demelza?'_

 _'Because he said he was sorry and he apologized properly to me and I can understand why he did it, that's why. And because I don't care about him, he's not bound to me in any way, I didn't call for him to come and I don't mind where he goes. We were just having lunch!, you know that was actually what I'd came to tell you before you started with your little wrath.'_

His mind went blank.

 _'Demelza, I...'_

 _'Don't say anything Ross. I'm afraid nothing you could say will make this situation better... What's that?'_ -She pointed a plate over the desk with some indistinguishable food on it. Ross slowly followed the direction of her finger.

 _'That's... that's my dinner, I think Prudie is trying to poison me little by little. Demelza I didn't...'_

 _'Right'_

Demelza turned around and left him in the middle of the sentence.

He didn't follow her immediately, even when he thought it was too late for her to walk alone in the dark, but then he heard Garrick bark in the kitchen and he wondered what could have detain her after she was so resolved to go back to her cottage.

Before he went in the kitchen he heard familiar noises coming from there, he waited for a little time in the other side of the door spying through the opening between the door and the frame like he used to do many years ago, when they just got married and he was trying to figured who was that creature who he just swore to spend the rest of his days with. The same or maybe another wild creature was there tonight. She had got an apron tied to her waist and she had pulled up her hair with an old ribbon that she must found over there. Unheard words came to his ears, first he believed her singing but then words like 'how does he think…' and 'the only thing I'm good…' came clear to him. He stepped into the kitchen cautiously, like she really was an animal who would run away or attack him if felt threaten.

' _Demelza, what are you doing now?'_ -he said as quietly as he could.

' _What does it look like? I'm making you dinner, because apparently that's the only thing I am good for you…'_

' _I didn't say that, what I …'_

' _No no, of course not. Also I can take care of your child and your household.'_

' _Our… home. You don't have to do this.'_

' _Well, please make up your mind, isn't this what you want?'_

' _No, not like this. Not if you don't want to.'_

Demelza's hands stopped mixing the dough she was preparing to make a pie and looked at his husband.

' _You can't eat that in Christmas Eve.'_

She almost looked like the young urchin girl who made her first pie on her own so many years ago, and Ross missed her dearly, and he also missed his friendly wife, the one who would stayed up until late at night waiting for him to return from wherever the occasion had took him.

' _Will you stay to dine with me?'_

Ross didn't notice the glass and the decanter full of port that Demelza had pour herself and that she had started to drink before she began cooking.

' _If you wish to'_

* * *

 _'You should stop drinking Demelza.'-_ Ross said in the middle of the dinner. While Demelza was baking the pie, he had lit the fire in the perfectly working hearth of the parlour and they were now sitting as far apart as she managed to do it, eating.

 _'Should I? Why? Do I embarrass you?'_

 _'No, but you won't feel good in the morning.'_

Demelza didn't stop, she drank in one sip the glass of port she was holding and in a defiant way took the decanter and served herself another. After quickly drinking that one too, she brightly smiled at him, and then made a brooding face just like the one Ross was doing, mocking him.

 _'Stop it.'_

' _Stop it'_ -She replied coping his low tone. And laughed again, the alcohol making her feel lightly and cheerful in a way she hadn't felt in months, years.

 _' Why? Why should I do what you say?'_

 _'Because I'm a man and still your husband.'_ -He stated.

 _'A man... mmm... I was never very good in obeying to the man I was supposed to. Perhaps because the man who should to take care of me hurt me instead of that...'_

 _'Demelza...'_

 _'I'm talking about my father Ross, don't fret.'_ -He remained silent while she poured another glass.

 _'But I suppose you are a victim of his too, if he hadn't done the things he's done I would never had come here and you would have married a rich heiress, one that would obey you and wait for you patiently every night while you played around with Elizabeth.'_

 _'Don't say that, you know...'_

 _'Oh yes, I know, I must understand, yes, you're my husband and I am part of you and I shouldn't do nothing that reflects poorly on you.'_

 _'Would you please stop pouring that decanter into your glass!'_

She smiled at him again and he was taken aback by the way she looked at him, she was clearly still angry but there were something else in her eyes.

 _'I don't think is fair that a woman should be abided to the husband in such a way. Why can't a woman be free even if she's married? Why can't she speak her own mind and do what she want? The world would be such a better place if it would be rule by women.'_

Ross frustration was slowly replaced for amusement by the ramblings of his wife. Even after six years, nine since he'd known her, she could still surprise him. Who wouldn't like to live in a world ruled by her?

Demelza noted the half smile in his face, and suddenly stood up still holding the glass of port in her hand.

 _'Do I amuse you?'_ -She asked him.- _'Because I'm serious.'_

 _'I know you are.'_ -He said trying not to laugh.

 _'If women would be in charge there be no wars, no killings in name of justice... there would be honesty and love... You know who would be a good politician?'_

 _'Who?'_ -He asked still amused.

 _'Margaret Vosper.'_

Ross's face turned to stone in less than a second.

 _'What's the matter Ross? Do you know her? Of course you do... She talked to me at the party. You see... she took what she wanted from you and doesn't regret it, and you, what do you feel about her Ross? Shame? Regret?... I wish that I could be like her...'_

 _'I wish not.'_

 _'... Say what I think...'_

 _'I believe you are already doing that.'_

 _'...do what I want...'_

 _'And what do you want?'_ -He said roughly, turning to her but without standing.

Demelza stood in the middle of the parlour looking at him. This man who she was supposed to obey and that had betrayed her, hurt her in such a way that she didn't know if she would ever be able to recover, but still... what did she want?  
Demelza left the glass on the table, walked until she was in front of him and bent to raised her skirt above her knees, she then sat in Ross lap, one leg in each side of his and before he could even realized what was happening she kissed him passionately and unrestrained on the mouth.

Ross tried to speak between her lips.

 _'Demel...'_ -but she didn't let him. She grabbed his waistcoat to hold him close and then she run her hands through his chest and his long neck until she reached his black and untamed curls.  
He was gasping in surprise and because he was invaded by the feeling of his wife, after so many months, but she was...

He unclasped her hands from his head and didn't let go of them. Then he bent his head back away from her, never stopping looking at her.

 _'Demelza'_ -he said - _'what are you doing?'_

 _'What? You don't want me anymore?'_

It was the look of despair in her eyes that startled him. It was not the port she have been drinking the sparkles that became tears at his silent.

 _'I knew it, I knew it!'_ -She started to struggle to release her hands from his.

' _You don't want me anymore, not after her.'_

She was trying to stand up, pushing at his chest, but he didn't let her. His arms surrounded her, keeping her close. He knew she had had too much to drink, her face was pink and he could feel the beat of her heart in her chest and the smell of alcohol in her breath.

' _You don't…'_

' _Yes I do, Demelza. I want you'_

He run his fingers around the nape of her neck to hold her still and gazed down at her. Restraint be damned. He leaned down and kissed her lips fiercely, her cheeks, her neck, and everywhere he could reach.

' _Demelza… I love you'_ –he murmured against her mouth.

Suddenly he got up, pulling her to him, the whole length of his body against hers, and without releasing her or stop kissing her, Ross started to move both of them towards the stairs.

' _Bed… room'_ –he said when he could take air.

Her arms were holding his shoulders and her hands ran through his hair. And she laughed in his lips when they almost fell in the first step, neither of them looking where they were going. He finally took her in his arms and Demelza shrieked in surprised, but then she kept kissing him and began to unbutton his waistcoat.

When they reached the master bedroom Ross's hair was a mess and Demelza's lips were already swollen from his kisses. He knew he was being rough but she ignited something inside him, a fire was running through his veins, in a way she'd never done before. He wanted her, oh yes, he desired her more than ever and if he had hesitated just a moment ago now he wasn't able to stop. After so long…

' _You don't have an idea of how much I want you Demelza. You want me?'_

' _Yes.'_ –She said softly and started working on his breeches.

They moved towards the bed, both urgently working on the other's clothes. Off were her gown and his shirt, and they laughed again when Demelza was trying to caress his chest while he was undoing her stays. Once both were naked Ross had to step away and look at her, take her in. A part of him still couldn't believe she was there, the other part felt at home with her familiarity. A part of him, she was always a part of him. He craved to be inside her.

He reached up to her once more and ran his fingers down her cheek to her shoulders. And he kissed her again and again, holding her tight, demanding her everything she denied him in the last few months. They were both moaning when the back of her knees touched the bed… but Demelza didn't lay her back on it, instead she grabbed her husband around his waist and turned them both around, pushing Ross to lay down over the blankets.

' _Wha…'_

But Ross didn't have time to say anything. Demelza was reaching over him, one knee in each side of his body, trailing kisses up his belly, her tongue dipped into his navel, kissing him all across his torso. His skin was burning, his Demelza… How could he ever do such a thing? But his reverie was cut off by her lips in his, her tongue clamoring his attention.

Suddenly she sat up and moved above his erection, and slowly, so heavenly slow she sank in him. His hands reached for her waist, her hips and then stroked her breasts while she moved up and down in him, easy at first, his hips moving to meet her thrusts faster each time. He watched her close her eyes and groan, and he couldn't take anymore and sat up closing his lips around her nipple and tugging, moaning her name while he came.

* * *

Demelza awoke the next morning with a headache and very warm. Half of Ross body was laying a top of her, one of his legs between hers, his arm covering her like a quilt. She couldn't remember what exactly had happened the night before, but her nakedness and his husband manhood on her hip leave no room for speculation.

 **Next Chapter: How did you meet her?**

AN: Thank you all for reading and like this story. I have to say sorry again for the lack of vocabulary or any grammar mistake, I try to do my best but I know is far from being perfect.

I wrote this chapter so long ago, I think it was the first I wrote from this story, I hope you had enjoyed a bit of Romelza.


	5. Chapter 5: How did you meet her?

**Chapter 5: How did you meet her?**

Demelza left her husband sleeping and left Nampara very early on Christmas morning. She got out of bed gingerly, trying not to make any noise that would wake him up. Her clothes was scattered on the floor and she finished dressing herself on the first floor hall.

The sky was orange tinted, the sun not up yet but its light was already reflecting on the ocean. Garrick was hiking at her feet and she walked as fast as she could to get to her house. She didn't remember what had happen the night before, well not all of it. She had gone to talk to Ross, to explain that McNeil meant nothing to her and he had been nasty to her. He had one of his tempers as always, and he'd said cruel things to her. And she was angry back, trying to mock him making dinner because for him that's all she was, still his kitchen maid and she had a drink, and then another... How many glasses of port did she have?

She have only been drunk once in her life before, the scold that Ross gave her when he found out enough for never wanting to do it again, but she was very young back then and since she had learn that even when port gave her courage and calmed her nerves, especially when she was among Ross' class, she had to know when to stop. Apparently yesterday she didn't know.

Vague memories of the dinner and the pie came to her, Ross' face sitting across the table, and she was talking but didn't remember about what. After that she recalled nothing. Oh, but she could clearly figure out what happened after dinner, so many months had been since the last time she had woken up next to her husband, yet for that first few seconds between sleepiness and conscience it was like everything was like it was before, just the two of them in their house and in their bed, her body mild from the heat coming from his... How? How did she let that happen?!

Jeremy and Prudie were still sleeping when she got to the cottage. Demelza went to her bedroom and change her clothes, she thought of coming back to bed but knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, instead she went back downstairs to fill the stockings that Jeremy and her hanged by the chimney the day before. It was exactly a year since other stockings were presented to her, a year since the last time Ross and her made love, so much had happened from that moment, she wasn´t exactly happy back then but what would she not give to go back to those days. Would she like to go back then? To Ross visiting Elizabeth, hiding things from her in favour of his first love? Or risking his life and the life of his family even when she had told him not to be reckless?. What had she been for him all that time? Nagging and arguing with him and he trying to solve things with a present and a good night of intimacy, it didn't fix anything back then, it didn't fix anything now.

Her contemplations were interrupted by her son, who woke up excited to see what Father Christmas had brought him.

 _'Mama!'_

 _'Oh! Happy Christmas Jeremy! You are up early this morning my love'_

 _'Happy Christmas mommy! Did I miss him?'_

 _'Who?'_

 _'Father Christmas!'_

 _'I'm afraid so, my love'_ -Jeremy did a sad face and pouted, so she quickly added- _'but look, he left you something in your stocking'_

Her son went through his presents one by one, showing them to Demelza.

' _You can't eat those sweets before your breakfast'_

 _'But mom...'_

 _'Go to play with your little soldiers until I prepare something for you. Do you want something special to eat?'_

 _'Yes! Cookies!'_

 _'Very well young gentleman, go and wake up Prudie so she can dress you while I'll bake.'_

 _'Weeeee!'_

The child's happiness was infectious and soon Demelza, Prudie and Jeremy were all pretty awake singing carols. They took breakfast, milk for Jeremy and tea for the ladies and the three ate the cookies Demelza made. After that the boy went to his room to find his other toys, he planned to make a big battle or so he said and Demelza began with the dough for bread.

She didn't hear him coming in, he did it in tip toes for she wouldn't notice. He stood behind her, one hand to her waist and with the other moved her hair to uncover her neck to kiss her.

 _'Merry Christmas my love.'_

 _'Ross!'_

 _'Papa!'_ -Jeremy came running to his father.

 _'Hello my friend, Happy Christmas!'_

 _'Happy Christmas Papa. Look, Father Christmas came, I heard him but I was to sleep too get up, but he left me gifts anyway... Mom, can dad eat sweets with me?'_ -both Poldarks looked at Demelza.

 _'If he has had breakfast'_ -she said. Ross smiled at her but she didn't smile back. He was distracted by Jeremy and his ramblings about how many deers he saw and showing him the presents he received. Ross told him that someone had left something at Nampara for him as well and gave him a kaleidoscope, with which Jeremy was amazed by the colours and shapes inside it. There were about to get in line all Jeremy's soldiers when the time came to go to church.

 _'You must cover yourself Jeremy, come here, let me put your coat.'_

 _'But mom, I don't want to go to church, I want to stay here and play with papa...'_

 _'We have to go to church my love, to give thanks for what we have and pray to be good boys, otherwise you won't get presents next Christmas.'_ -she said adjusting the new gloves she had knitted for him and that she had also put on his stocking.

 _'But mom...'_ -the boy was about to cry.

 _'Come Jeremy'_ -said Ross- _'your mother is right, we all must go to church.'_

 _'Are you coming with us papa?'_

 _'Yes.'_

 _'Can I go with you on Darkie?!'_

* * *

Ross almost never went to church, in fact apart from his own wedding, the baptism of his two children and some other special occasions; he could count the times he had been there with his fingers. They rode to Sawle in silence, both of them except for Jeremy, who was particularly over excited that day. Demelza didn't know what to say to Ross, and Ross didn't want to say anything in front of their son, she had avoided talking to him the entire morning and whenever he looked for her gaze she looked away from him. But now they were going to sit next to each other for nearly an hour, and Ross was really looking forward holding Demelza's hand, so perhaps church wasn't such a bad idea.

He regretted as soon as they got there. Even when they arrived a few minutes late the ceremony hadn't started yet and it was obvious to him why. In the few times he had gone there the Poldarks were the patrons of the chapel and in old days it was tradition to wait for his family to begin. That tradition was slowly lost through the years, first because Charles who was usually always late and he used to send a servant to tell the reverend they could start without them and then with Francis who rarely went to church and didn't mind if the people did not wait for him at all. But he realized today that tradition was applying again, and it was not a Poldark who were they waiting for.

George and Elizabeth Warleggan arrived with Geoffrey Charles and Elizabeth's mother fifteen minutes after the Poldarks. The entire congregation stood while they walked to their seats on the front rows. Elizabeth was heavily pregnant but if someone would look at her from the back they wouldn't notice. George was finely dressed and he didn't see the three people who hadn't stood when he came in. Ross was frozen like a statue looking at the floor and Demelza had taken Jeremy into her lap when the boy started asking who was that people and why everybody had raised.  
During the entire hour Ross barely looked up and in the few occasions he did he saw George and his airs, proud in the pew that once was the one reserved for the head of his family. Of course he had turned off the opportunity to be there himself, when Francis died everyone expected for him to take his place not just in church but also as a magistrate and in others activities of which the owner of Trenwith state was responsible, and until Geoffrey Charles could take care of such responsibilities it was his duty to see them done. But he didn't, and now they there were, he and his family sitting at the back of the church, George and Francis' family in the Poldark's pew.

He exited as soon as Reverend Odgers gave his final blessing, he didn't even wait for the traditional greetings of the season. When he got to his horse he realized that Demelza and Jeremy had follow him, she was speaking to the child:

 _'You'll come with me on the way back Jeremy'_

The boy looked up to his father and something in his face must had advised him not to contradict his mother. The boy said nothing, just nodded and let Demelza carried him up to her horse. Ross took a step to help Demelza climb, but she was already up before he could reach her.

 _'Who were those people mommy?'_

He heard the boy ask while they were leaving but did not hear what Demelza replied. The journey back was silent again, with Jeremy no so much talking but singing or humming songs, Ross realized, Demelza must sing to him. Once back onto the cottage the boy went straight to his toys again but didn't ask Ross to play with him this time, so he finally got a moment to talk with Demelza.

 _'Can you believe that upstart poodle? Sauntering like he was king of the county and everyone his loyal subjects that must submit to his schedule...'_

Demelza was already working on putting lunch together.

 _'I wondered which of your two favourites topics you would mention first: George or Elizabeth. She looked radiant, don't you think?'_

 _'If you say so... I didn't look at her very well'_

 _'That would be a first'_

 _'You're right. I didn't mean to bring back old ghosts, they don't matter, what matters today is us.'_

Ross had gone closer to her and with his arm he surrounded her waist while she was setting the plates on the table. Demelza quickly moved to one side so he wouldn't touch her and left the plates and the cutlery on the table to face him.

 _'There's no "us" Ross. Look... whatever it is that happened between us last night, doesn't fix things, it meant nothing...'_

 _'Nothing? On the contrary, for me it means the world Demelza. That you still want me, that we can be like we were...'_

 _'We can never be like we were before Ross, don't you see. I can't.'_

 _'But you told me, last night you said...'_

 _'I don't remember what happened last night!. I can image it but... I think I had too much port, so whatever I said or did, I would forget it if I were you.'_

' _Forget it?'_ -Was all he said before Jeremy finally came demanding his attention again.

Early that morning when Ross woke up in his old bed he searched for his wife next to him before open his eyes. She was not there, but the mattress was still warm in the place she had slept. He had been so upset with her the day before, knowing that McNeil had the nerve to come to see her and then found them having lunch together when he hadn't share a meal with his wife in months, it was unbearable. Yet alone the fact that he had dare to flirt with her and touch her and kiss her, he could have killed him. And then, to make it even worst, for her to tell him that he hadn't treat her properly, and he was sure Demelza was being modest with her story, he should have killed him. But then when they were together again everything vanished. He hadn't realized how much he had missed her, to make love to her, and she was so passionate, so eager to love him as well. But the happiness he felt that morning was ashes now. And the encounter with the Warleggans was merely salt in a wound so deep he didn't know what to do to heal it.

They both tried to be in good spirits during lunch to not spoil the special day for Jeremy, but without speaking directly to each other. Neither of them had say anything about spending Christmas' day together, Ross wanted to be with his son and Demelza wouldn't send him away, but after the events of the previous night there was an awkward atmosphere and all the Poldarks could sensed it.

After playing a long while with his toy soldiers, Jeremy was sitting in his father's legs next to the fire looking through the kaleidoscope. Demelza was reading close to them.

 _'Papa, how is there so many colours here?'_ -the little boy asked pointing to his present. Ross explained about the little glasses and the light coming through it.

 _'Could you make one?'_

 _'Yes, I supposed I could. But you already have this one.'_

 _'But you could give it to mama, she didn't have any presents for Christmas.'_

 _'Perhaps I did not behave very well Jeremy.'_ -Demelza said looking above her book.

Jeremy giggled.- _'No! You are good mama... Perhaps Father Christmas doesn't know you're here, maybe he left you something at home...'_

Neither of his parents said anything and Jeremy went back to his toy, but a while later he questioned his father again.

 _'Papa, how did you meet mommy?'_

They both looked at each other knowing that this would happen sooner or later. Demelza let Ross do the talking.

 _'I was alone at home, just with Prudie and Jud, and I went to the Redruth's fair one day to buy cattle for the farm and I saw some dogs were fighting, one of them was Garrick...'_

 _'Garrick?!'_

 _'Yes'_

 _'He was fighting?'_

 _'Yes. But he was just a pup and he was getting beat at, and then I saw a boy who was trying to help him, Garrick's friend, but he was also in trouble so I helped him, both of them.'_

 _'Garrick had a friend? Who was it?'_

 _'Your mother'_

 _'But you said it was a boy!'_

 _'Ah! I thought it was a boy, turns out she wasn't.'_

 _'And why did you think mama was a boy?!'_

 _'Because she was dressed as a boy.'_

Demelza was fighting to hold back the tears. To hear him tell their story to their son, it was so beautiful and so painful at the same time it overwhelmed her.

 _'You were dress like a boy mommy?'_ -he said to her laughing. Unable to speak, she smiled at him and nodded.

 _'And then what happened?'_

 _'And then... she came to work with me at home, she became my friend and then my wife and then your mama...'_

' _And Garrick?'_

' _Garrick came home too… Actually your mother said that if her friend couldn't come she wouldn't come either.'_ –the boy laughed again.

Ross kissed his son temple and brought him closer to him. He was also moved by why he just said. Jeremy was such a curious little boy, just very much like him when he was a kid but also kind and sweet like his mother and he could play and talk tireless, but now he was slowly falling sleep in his arms.

Jeremy looked up to him and put his little hands on his face and gave him a kiss on his forehead like the one he had just given him.

' _I love you papa.'_

' _And I love you my little friend.'_

' _Do you love mama?'_ –He said looking right into Ross' eyes with his hands still in both of his cheeks.

 _'Yes I do.'_

 _'Then why we don't live with you anymore?'_

 _'Because... I...'_

 _'Jeremy, I told you, the house needs repairing. Why don't you try to sleep my love?'_ -Demelza said quietly.

Jeremy, who was already half sleep, put his arms around his father neck and his head on his shoulder, while Ross hugged to him. He fell asleep in an instant. But Ross didn't want to take him to bed yet, so he stayed seat with his son in his arms and Demelza near him reading, or so he thought.

 _'How did you meet her?'_

He did not comprehend who she was talking about first, himself a bit sleepy, relaxed by his child breathing.

 _'Mmmhhh?'_

 _'You never told me, how did you meet her?'_

Demelza's voice was not angry but inquisitive, she didn't want to wake up Jeremy so she spoke softly. Ross story had brought to her old memories, memories that should have been happy but that now she felt like if a cloud was covering all, her whole life had a stain, and that stain had a name and she wanted to know how ingrained it was.

' _Demelza, can we just put it behind us? What use it will be...'_

 _'Please Ross, I want to know. You barely talk about your past and you know everything about me. Please.'_

He hesitated, but then he quietly began to murmur the story.

 _'She was sixteen years old, I had seen her before when she was a child but never pay any attention to her until that night. There was a party at Trenwith, I can't recall why, and she came with her parents. She was wearing a white dress that emphasized her fragile figure, she looked like an angel. I made Verity to introduce me to her, and we danced the entire night. I had never met anyone more beautiful 'til then and I fell for her. I went to her house, even when her mother looked at me as I was the devil, we walked and talked in the gardens. Sometimes we went to Hedrawna beach, we went there when I had to go to war, to say goodbye...'_

' _How long have you known her, before you went to war?'_

 _'I don't know, maybe, three or four months'_

 _'And then you left.'_

 _'Yes.'_

 _'For three years...'_

 _'Yes.'_

 _'Why did you believe she was going to wait for you?'_

 _'Because... because we had made plans. And she... we loved each other.'_

 _'I see. I'm sorry your plan didn't work out as you expected.'_

She was still talking slowly, but the note of pain was now noticeable.

 _'Demelza. That's all gone now, you must know that.'_

 _'I know. I know that is what you said, and you must think of my attitude to be foolish but I cannot bring my mind to it... Three months, you spend with her only three months while I have been your wife for almost six years, nine since we know each other. How could you?'_

 _'Demelza...'_

Demelza was crying, she wasn't screaming and there was not anger in her eyes like there was before, she was just sitting with one of her hand over her mouth quietly sobbing. Ross moved as to stand up and go to her but he had Jeremy in his arms and Demelza raised her other hand for him to stay where he was. She tried to dry the tears from her face.

 _'Tis alright Ross. I know, always knew how irresistible she is and the power she has over you...'_

 _'She doesn't have any power over me anymore... Demelza, I'll put Jeremy to bed and be back in a second.'_

When he returned Demelza was cleaning whatever was left from the table, she had stop crying.

 _'I went to see her while you were away, when I've got shot I was coming back from Trenwith.'_

 _'Why did you go to see her?'_

She shrugged.

' _What did she say?'_

 _'Not much. I don't believe she is the angel that you think she is. I think she played you, and Francis and I think she will try to fool George too, but he's not like the two of you so I don't know how that will go.'_ -a weird smiled formed in her face- _'It's amazing isn't it? How can she have you all in the palm of her hand and yet feel not satisfied. I truly envy her.'_

 _'You don't have anything to envy her.'_

 _'Have you been living in the same house than me for the last two years?'_

 _'Demelza, tell me, What do I say? What do I do for you to forgive me? I love you and I know, I know you love me too. You say you envy her, but you never wanted anything she had. You want a bigger house? We can have it now... Fancy furniture? You want to make calls? Go to London? Go into society? Is that what you want? If it is we can do it, we can do anything you want...'_

 _'Captain McNeil asked me to go to live with him.'-_ she said, not such much because she wanted to hurt him but because she felt it was something she shouldn't keep from him _._

 _'What?!'_

 _'That's why he came. He wants me to go with him to Winchester.'_

 _'Will you go?'_

She was silent for a moment, enough to make him panic.

 _'No. Of course I won't. And I don't want that, anything you said. I'm sorry Ross I don't know what I want... I think that I would like to be me for a while, just me.'_

 _'And you'd not be you, with me?'_

 _'I... I haven't been myself for a while Ross. I had been so angry, and jealous, and nagging to you, and that's not who I am, and you make me act that way and I don't like it'_

 _'You don't like me, you mean'_

 _'I don't know... maybe'_

He could just but nod. She didn't want to be with him anymore... his constant, ever since the moment he met her she was a part of his home and then a part of him, and like something that one pay no attention but is utterly necessary she was there and he neglected her. And now he had lost her.

 _'You should leave.'_ -she said with tears in her eyes again.

He put on his coat and headed to the door defeated, but before he went out he stopped to look for something inside his pockets. When he found it, he left it on the table.

 _'I almost forgot this. Jeremy was right, your Christmas present was in Nampara.'_

Demelza watched him go and then went to open the little box he had left upon the table. Inside was her brooch.

* * *

 **Next Chapter: Verity's letter.**

AN: Thanks for reading! A few comments about this chapter: Jeremy, I think of him a few months older than he is in the show an a lot more talkative. Also a few things about Christmas aren't exactly historically accurate but I wanted it to be a special day for Jeremy.


	6. Chapter 6: Verity's letter

**Chapter 6: Verity's letter**

It was the first New Year's Eve they spend apart since Ross came back from the war. After the day of Christmas, Ross kept going to see his son but his visits were no so long like they used to be. He didn't know what to say to Demelza, he feared that anything he could say she would take it the wrong way or she would use it to fuel her annoyance against him. For one night he thought he had her back, sleep hugged to her after so many months had been almost heaven, but it had meant nothing after all and the situation was worst than before, if that was even possible.

Demelza kept tending her patients every day, Ross had now seen the women and children who gathered in the "consulting" barn, one day he had gone late to the mine and in the way he saw Mss. Martin and Demelza giving breakfast to the children, tea and buns, while she talked to their mothers. Demelza had attended several childbirths in the last few weeks, but her patients now were not limited to common folks, she had helped with the births of a couple of babies from gentry ladies, she was Mss. Poldark after all, and the word about her talents had spread beyond class. One of her new patients was Ray Penvenen. Caroline's uncle suffered from sugar sickness and she had called her to help her talk to her uncle about following Dwight's prescriptions, which he refused to follow from time to time arguing that that kind of life wasn't worth living, especially when Horace was being fed with marzipan and he couldn't even put sugar in his tea. These visits to Killewarren gave the two women a chance to get to know each other better and Demelza could finally see what only Dwight could see until then. Caroline was a good and kind person and she became her friend. Asides to ask for her services, she had asked for Demelza to come and have tea with her, Caroline also lonely and with only a sick old man for company, she was grateful for Demelza's warm character, plus she knew Dwight and she could talk and ask freely about him to her.

Ross wasn't at all surprised when Demelza told him she wouldn't spend New Year's Eve with him, he was a bit more when she told him she would spend it in Kilewarren. Caroline had invited her and Jeremy to dinner and to stay the night, they would come back the next morning.

 _'I didn't know you were so close.'_

 _'We weren't, but I've seen his uncle a couple of times and we get along well. I think I understand why Dwight fell in love with her... Anyway, she invited us, and I think we should go.'_

 _'If you think so. I asked Verity to come to Nampara, both Blamey and his son are at sea and she wouldn't want to spend New Year alone. She can come and see you the next day.'_

Demelza hadn't thought about it, her political family, Verity in particular.

 _'I'd like that, I haven't seen her since little Andrew was born. Will she be alright traveling with the babe?'_

 _'I'll sent her a carriage, and Blamey's daughter I'm sure will come with her.'_

* * *

 _'Where is Demelza?'_ -Verity asked him as soon as she entered and the Mistress of the house didn't come to meet her.

 _'She's not here... She went to spend the night in Killewarren, Caroline Penvenen invited her to stay the night.'_

 _'Oh. That's unfortunate.'_

 _'You can see her tomorrow.'_

Something in Ross expression made her inquired him no longer. Her daughter in law was with them and whatever Ross had to tell her it was better to do it in private. Demelza had sent Prudie early to Nampara to prepared the house for her cousin's visit, she had also sent with her a couple of pies, bread, a stew and a ham with potatoes ready to put in the oven. They dinned early, distracted by the adorable baby Blamey and Verity's news from France that her husband brought from his journeys across the channel.

When they were only Verity and Ross alone in the parlour she finally asked him:

 _'Ross, you seem troubled, it's everything alright?'_

Ross sighed, his shoulders fell in defeat and he ran both of his hands over his hair. A sight of desperation that Verity had never seen in his cousin before, nor even in his worst days.

 _'What's the matter Ross? You barely spoke during dinner, you're worrying me... Where's Demelza? Is Jeremy well?'_

 _'He's fine. They're both fine... Demelza's gone.'_ -He blurted.

 _'Gone where?'_

 _'Verity... she left. She no longer lives here, she abandoned me.'_

Verity could not believe him. She looked around and searched for she didn't know what, but instead she noticed some changes in the room, imperceptibles if someone didn't look in detail. The windows were dusty and their curtains weren't clean, there were no tablecloths in any of the surfaces nor flowers in any of the vases, everything was slightly dirty, a cloud of sadness covering all.

 _'Ross... How? How is that possible, where did she go?'_

He lifted his shoulders.

 _'They're staying in Dwight's cottage for now. She wanted to go back to Illugan but I managed to convinced her not go there at least.'_

' _Ross… I don't know what to say. She told me you were uneasy with the changes in Trenwith and she was too, but I'd never thought…'_

' _What did she say to you?'_

' _Not much, just… just that you were running away from something and not facing the consequences.'_

He looked at her cousin, was that was he was doing? Running away? But he had never avoided her, he had stay and gave her time to heal, told her that he loved her, he was very clear on that. He went near the window to look outside, it was dark so the only thing he saw was his own reflection, he seemed to had aged ten years.

' _Verity, I don't know what else to do…'_

She could only see the back of his head, but she could tell how he looked. Broken. It was not the first time she heard him like that.

' _Dear cousin, you must not give up. Demelza is a sensitive woman, I'm sure with time she'll realize that her place is here and…'_

' _You think so? I doubt it. I'm more incline to think that with time she'll go even further, she doesn't need me, she… I believe she doesn't love me anymore.'_ –he said turning around to see her.

' _That's not true, Ross you cannot believe that.'_

' _Everything I say she twist it and is offended by it. And she's not been idle all this time, with Dwight gone she has been tending to the villagers, lately not just villagers but gentry people too. How long will it take for a man to notice her, to realize that she's not with me anymore and take her away?'_

' _Demelza would never do such a thing!, Ross, do not despair… She loves you, even if she's offended by something now, I'm sure you will persuade her in the end.'_

' _Will I? How?'_

' _Well… I don't know exactly, you did it once, certainly you can make her fall in love with you again.'_

Both Ross hands went to his hair again, then one to his forehead.

' _Oh Verity… did she never tell you?'_

' _Told me what?'_

' _I never made her fall in love with me… if it was something was the other way around…'_

' _She never told me, no. When we met, or that first call I made upon you after you were married she told me that you never told her that you loved her, and she believed that you never shall… But I thought that was because of you… your…'_

' _My what?'_

' _Well, you're not very good with words Ross. It was obvious then, maybe even before that even, how special she was for you, the way she changed your life, the way she changed you. I thought that you may not tell her but surely you knew and that was why you married her. I knew there were gossips about the two of you back then…'_

' _The gossips were not true. Not at least until… You're wrong. I didn't know it then, or perhaps I didn't consciously. She was more than my kitchen maid I granted that, but I never put a finger on her, she was someone who was here, someone I could talk to, someone to share my meals and the events of the day but nothing else. One day I was vexed, you may think that's not a peculiar mood in myself but that day in particular it was worst than usual, and I got angry with her, threaten her with sending her back to his father, God knows what my life would have been like if I had_ … but she wasn't afraid of me as any oth _er person would, instead of that she seduced me, she gave herself to me to get me out of my misery… you see Verity, I didn't have to do anything, she has always loved me even when I didn't know she was there, she is the one who set things in order when things were wrong, the one who made life, me, better. I don't know how to do it without her…'_

Tears were running through Verity's cheeks.

' _I need you to help me Verity, I need you to talk to her.'_

* * *

Jeremy was bewitched by Caroline. First, the boy had never been in such a grand house, he was in awe of the size of it and the beautiful gardens, he quickly made a good friend in Horace and asked all kind of question to Ray Penvenen, specially about farming and the animals he had in his barn, Jeremy considered himself an expert in this manner. But it was Caroline he was fascinated with. The blond beauty was not used to interact with children, so he kept calling Jeremy Master Poldark, title that the boy knew was only reserved for his father.

' _Papa is Master Poldark'_ \- he said shyly at her the first time.

' _Oh but you are too. A younger one I grant you that, but Master Poldark after all. I'm sure you could be a good company to my little Horace tonight, while I speak to your mama.'_

So he giggled every time Caroline spoke to him, and he was less talkative than usual when he was in her presence and always did what she said to him to do, which was mostly sent him to talk with uncle Ray or play with her dog. She didn't have a clue what to do to entertain a child but Jeremy was very obedient, with her at least.

This gave the women time on their own, every time Demelza and Caroline saw each other they mostly talked about uncle Ray's health, sometimes about Dwight when Caroline escorted her out, so they were both really pleased to have this time for themselves.

' _Did you have any news from Dwight?'_ -Demelza asked her.

' _No. He proposed to write to me when he'd got to harbor in France, but I suppose mail doesn't work as faster as we wish to doesn't it?'_

' _I guess not… How are you bearing it?'_

' _Oh, as a proper lady should. Without no visible sign of stress on the outside, but without stopping a single minute to think about it. That and the lack of sleep and the usual silent cry every night… sometimes during the day too…'_

' _You must be strong Caroline, for you and for him too. He will come back to you.'_

' _He better do, otherwise it will be very impolite of him. And you? Did you also have to endure such martyrdom before married Captain Poldark?'_

' _Not really. Not before at least.'_ –Demelza replied absently.

' _He seems a very determined man, the kind of which when an idea comes to his mind doesn't stop until seeing it done.'_

' _Yes.'_

' _And also very impulsive. I wonder which of the two traits were the main reason when he married you…'_

Demelza was taken aback for the comment, in others lips it made sound improper, even insulting, but something in the way Caroline had said it made it sound like she really wanted to know, not taunt her.

' _I'm afraid it was the second one.'_

' _I'm sure it was a lucky impulse then'_

' _I don't know about that. Actually I don't think he sees it that way .'_

' _Men really see little don't they?. But women can be very capricious as well… maybe is a question of soften the edges and learn from one another.'_

' _I doubt Ross ever learnt something from me…'_ –Demelza couldn't help to replied.

Caroline sensed the apprehension in Demelza, so for break the tension she called her maid to served them a glass of rum, she also brought deliciously looking pies and sweets, scones with jam and butter than Jeremy devoured in one bite. After putting her child to bed, Demelza went back downstairs to say goodnight to the hostess.

' _Thank you for invited us Caroline, it was so kind of you.'_

' _It was my pleasure, I also wanted to thank you.'_

' _Please don't mention it, your uncle…'_

' _Not about my uncle,'_ -She interrupted her. – _'for bringing Dwight and me together.'_

' _But I had nothing to do with that Caroline, it was Ross' idea.'_

' _Men had little imagination for that sort of things, in fact he specifically said he did it because of you.'_

' _What… what did he say?'_

' _That it was your way of thinking… let see, he said something like life holds very few things worth of having, if you possess them nothing else matters, and if you don't, then everything else is worthless. He also said to us that if two people love each other then the obstacles which keep them apart must be substantial, else they lack the courage of their convictions… It was a very touching speech as you can see. And he said he took that from you, so that's why I am thankful to you.'_

' _Oh… I… I don't know what to say.'_

' _You don't have to say anything, and besides this could go very badly so instead of thanking you I could end up blaming you. Anyway, I think we can call it a night. Happy new year my friend.'_

' _Happy new year Caroline.'_

* * *

Ross left Verity to go alone to see Demelza and spend the entire next day with her and Jeremy. He was supposed to go look for her the day after to see her to her transport, but he's got a letter early in the morning. It was from Verity:

 _Dear cousin :_

 _I apologize for not waiting for you after my visit to Demelza, I just didn't have the heart for it. Let me start by saying how disappointed I am of your behavior. After talking for awhile with Demelza and after me insisting in that she should change her mind and come back to you like a good wife would do and after her refusal, she finally told me the reason for her escapade. Oh Ross, how could you do such a thing?. It fills me with anger and sadness. At first I could not believe it, but then again… how could you let her down like that, how could you bring yourself down in such a manner. Forgive me for scolding you like this it's just that I can't understand what you were thinking, and the fact that you sent me to speak with her in your behalf without telling me the real reason of your dispute it does you no credit either._

 _Since I left her house I've been trying to understand why you may do such a thing, I know you would tell me if I asked you, but I don't know if you would answer me with honesty. You'd probably say it was because she was to marry George and you wanted to prevent her to wed your worst enemy, but if you would say that to me I won't be able to believe you. You see, for years I've been the silent witness of the turmoils of this family and I've always kept quiet because it is not my place to gossip or make judgments about other people's life. God knows I will be the last person to do that, but I think is fair that you should know a couple of things, facts that I think you should know for yourself, in that case let me remind them to you, or let me tell you if is not the case._

 _The first person that I wish to talk about is my dear brother Francis. I've never thought I'd say this but I'm relief that he's not with us to learn about what you did. Demelza said that you told her you didn't think of her in that moment, I have to conclude that neither you or Elizabeth thought about him neither. He looked up to you so much cousin. I believe that if he was here he wouldn't be so hurt about his wife but for you. Oh I know he was no saint, and that I probably remember him with a loving sister favor, but I know for what he'd been through during his marriage, and the unhappiness of those early years. In a way it was his fault as well, but he certainly did not deserve this._

 _Which led me to write about Elizabeth. She's a beautiful woman, and I remember you being so kin to her before you left for war. Perhaps you believed that she is that same care free girl that you met, but you would be wrong to believe that. I don't blame her, you see, being a woman is harder than you think, you would think that all we do all day is embroider, play piano and drink tea. But there is much more to it, fear and uncertainty that our lives may not to be what we expect because it does not depend on us. And take my word for it because I experienced that first hand, if it wasn't for your wife… but I'll get to that later. Now about Elizabeth, she did what she had to do when she married Francis. You may had seen it as a betray to you but I don't believe it so. We all thought you were dead, after so many years and without a word from you. I know that this was hard for you during so many time, but that is the heart of all this mess isn't it?. Elizabeth never made my brother happy. It hurts me to say it. In his last months I think it was him the one who chose to be content, and I'm glad for it. She, dear Ross, I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, she always looked to take care of herself. Whether it would be you, Francis or George who suit her. You would think that her relationship with George blossomed from one day to the other and after need, but it was not like that. I think her understanding with George begun even when Francis was alive, I am not saying that she was unfaithful to my brother in any way, no, but lets say that if George was permissive with Francis about his debts it was because of Elizabeth, and she was conscious of it. After my dear brother past away that bond between them grew stronger. George took care of her and our, or should I say her household. I'm aware of you trying to care for her as well, in any case she encouraged both of you to do it._

 _This finally leads me to Demelza. Remember I visited you a few months after Francis death? I mention that visit because it came to my mind something Demelza said back then, about you and Elizabeth and about her faith in your marriage and how she did not distrust you even when you spent a lot of time in Trenwith in those days, but even so, she told me that if you had to choose between the two of them she doubted that you would have chosen her._

 _I'm sorry to tell you this cousin, you must think I am being cruel, but that's not my intention. I'm just trying to make you understand what you did. You made her worst fears come true. You may say that it was just one night, at least that is what Demelza told me you said to her, I want to believe that is the case, but that just one time put at risk everything the two of you have. Trust my word Ross, I've seen what her love did for you, you don't need me to tell you that, and I also know what you did for her, and I'm not talking just about rescuing her of her abusive father, I'm talking about the life the two of you build together, the horrible things you endured and how you succeed because you had one another. And now because of what you did your wife thinks that you were being dishonest about your feelings for her, that you would had prefered to be with Elizabeth all this time. I know that's not true, and I hope you be sure too because you will have to convince her of that._

 _Dear cousin, you asked me to help you but I'm afraid I cannot do so. Only you can. I will tell you this though, you were wrong when you told me she did not need you anymore. I believe she does, more than ever. Maybe not in the most conventional of ways, but in the peculiar way of the Nampara Poldarks, it's up to you to find that way. Only you can make amends._

 _Now I leave you to it and wish you good luck from the bottom of my heart._

 _Verity._

 _PS: One more little thing. If you truly regret what happened, a heartfelt apology may be a good way to start._

* * *

 **Next Chapter: Apologies.**

AT: No much Romelza in this one but there will be plenty in the next chapters... Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7: Apologies

**Chapter 7: Apologies**

Demelza didn't know how to process the information that Caroline had told her. She knew Ross had gone to London to thank her in person for saving them from debtors prison, the due they have on her and Dwight greater than any of them could imagine, but Ross never told her about any plan for bring them back together again. Nor that they would speak much those days, and she wasn't precisely fair with Caroline, or Ross if she was honest with herself, when he told her about their mysterious benefactor.

She couldn't believe that Ross would meddle in other people's affairs, more than once he scolded her about doing that herself and she had learnt the lesson the hard way with her experiment with Verity and Captain Blamey even though that turned out into a successful marriage, but had severe consequences for many other people, including her own family. So now to think in Ross doing exactly the same thing for other couple that deserved happiness because it was what she would have done, it didn't fit in the perception she have of Ross these days.

She was even more confused by Verity's visit. Apparently Ross could mend their friends relationship, but he could not do so for his own marriage, so she had to tell Verity, she didn't want to do it, didn't want to ruin the image Ross had to her cousin's eyes, but she was so insistent, telling her Nampara was not the same without her, that Ross needed her attention, that the place of a lady was in her home with her family, so in the end she had to do it.

' _My dear Demelza, I cannot believe it!'_

' _I can't believe Ross send you here to tell me these things without…'_ -she cut herself out, didn't want to speak badly about Ross to her.- _'Verity, is all in the past now. Jeremy and I are comfortable here for now and I can make a living…'_

' _Can you? Without him?'_ -Verity asked her, still in astonishment.

' _This was not my choice. All that time… you know what I endured for him, I do not regret it, he gave me a life I've never even dreamed for myself, a life I didn't even know existed. But he took it away from me and asked me to accept what happened like if everything else was something I didn't deserve, that it wasn't right for me have…'_

' _Of course you deserve it Demelza, you built that life together, the two of you.'_

Demelza's eyes shone with uncried tears in her eyes, she was not willing to break again.

' _I know you care for him Verity, but I can't do anything that he's no prepared to do himself.'_

' _You can't forgive him then?'_

An ironic smile was drawn on Demelza's face.

' _Forgiveness? I don't think Ross needs that, at least he never asked for it.'_

' _He does Demelza and he needs you too, he misses you, he's lost without you.'_

Demelza smiled to her, but a rebel tear escaped her eyelashes.

' _Dear Verity…'_

' _And you miss him too, don't you?'_

Demelza didn't want to say more, so they spend the rest of the day playing with the little boys, with Jeremy at least and Andrew Jr. smiled, ate and slept in Verity's stepdaughter's arms. Before she went to bed she wrote a letter to Ross and sent it with Prudie early in the morning.

* * *

The days that followed were pretty much the same. A couple of days in the week Demelza would go to visit some patients in the morning, the rest the people would come to the cottage and she would see them in the barn, Mss. Martin helped her and Jinny would fed and play with the children while they were waiting. Prudie usually stayed with Jeremy and the Martins kids inside the house, and prepared Demelza's bath for when she was finished and cooked or baked whatever Demelza had prepared the day before. After the three of them had lunch Demelza took care of the chores Prudie had left undone, she always spent time with Jeremy, reading to him and teaching him the numbers and letters the way that Ross used to taught her. The boy was very clever for his early age, he could already write his own name and mama and papa, Ross had gave him a few coloring books and others with words and drawings of animals that Jeremy loved. _"You are as quick learner as your mama"_ , it was the biggest compliment that Ross used to tell him after Jeremy did or said something smart, and the boy endeavored to get those words out of his father mouth. Ross came every afternoon to have time with his son, sometimes he was earlier so he could take Jeremy to ride on Darkie while there was still sunny. Demelza used that time to prepare supper and the meal for the next day. She didn't tell Ross about what Caroline had told her, but she kept it present in her mind, even when she didn't do anything to get close to him or gave him any sign that something had change, something in fact was changing.

When January was coming to an end the weather in the coast of Cornwall was colder than ever. The mist covered the fields until well into the day, and the winds took turns with the rain in the afternoon. The cottage seemed to scream by the wind whip when Ross arrived pushed by its force, but he found only Jeremy and Prudie in the cottage's parlour.

 _'Where is Demelza? Is she out with this day?'_

 _'She's abed.'_ -Prudie replied and gave him an odd look.

 _'Is she well?'_

 _''Er been feelin' sickly since the mornin'_ -She said in a lower voice so Jeremy couldn't hear.

And then he felt it. The suddenly ache in his chest, the worry that she might be ill, that she could catch something from the people she tended or worst, with this cold… the only time Demelza had taken to bed apart from the birth of their children or that day after his escapade was when he almost lost her, when they lost Julia. He climbed the steps of the stair two at a time ignoring Prudie's complains about the mistress needing resting. When he was in front of the door of her bedroom he had to take a steadying breath, clenching and unclenching his fists trying to calm the emotions in him. He knocked at the door and waited until he heard her voice.

' _Yes?'_

When Ross came into the room he didn't find his wife in bed but sitting near the window, wrapped in a blanket. He noticed the lack of furniture in the room, realizing that he'd never been there after showing Dwight the old cottage so many years ago. There was only the bed, the chair where Demelza was sitting and a little table. A small fire in the hearth kept the room in a cozy temperature but the blow of wind straining from the window was frozen.

' _Ross, I didn't hear you coming, I must had fallen asleep'_

Ross breathed a sigh of relief. She looked pale and a bit sleepy but there were no indications of a serious illness. At least not from the outside. He went to poke at the fire to bring back to life its dying flames.

' _Prudie told me you were ill. How are you feeling?'_

' _I'm fine'_ -she said yet a bit sleepy.

Ross crossed the room and before she could speak again went to put the back of his hand in her forehead.

' _Tis no fever. I may have eaten something rotten.'_

Ross's fingers lingered in Demelza's face longer than necessary.

' _Never the less, you should be abed, you'll catch a cold in this airstream.'_

' _I'm good Ross. Really.'_

She did feel fine, but also wanted to sleep. She stood up and motioned to leave the book she was holding on the little table and the blanket around her started to fall from her shoulders. His husband's hands were there before she could reach for it herself, he grabbed it and pulled it up surrounding her upper back and neck with it, his hand holding it from the front above her chest.

' _Thank you… I think I will lay down for a few minutes'_ –she whispered not looking at him.

He helped her get to the bed, opened for her, took the blanket of her shoulders and covered her with the sheets and more blankets until all he could see from her was her round head and her red curls. He sat over the blankets for just a moment, the look of concern never leaving his face. So many time away from her, it was the first time she allowed him to be so close to her without protesting or making bitter remarks, apart from Christmas of course, but she had said herself that that didn't count. He was anxious and preoccupied at the same time, she being so calm and he couldn't help to reach and wrap one of her curls on his finger. She opened her big blue eyes at this.

' _Are you really alright Demelza?'_ -he said and took his hand apart.

' _Yes Ross, just a bit tired. I'll be alright after a night sleep.'_

' _Maybe you should eat something, I'll tell Prudie to fetch you a soup'_

' _No Ross. I don't want to eat.'_ -the very thought of Prudie's soup made her want to vomit. She sat in the bed to avoid the feeling and felt a bit more awake, realizing that Ross was sitting in her bed, his hand over her leg above the covers.

' _I'll be well, you can go now.'_

' _I can stay, if you let me, I can stay and look after you'_

' _Ross… I'm just tired and I need to sleep, that's all'_

Ross nodded and slowly got up from the bed and went to the door, he opened it but didn't get out instead he turned around to face her with the same slowness he had walked to there. Demelza was accommodating herself back in the bed and stopped moving, holding the weight of her body in one elbow when Ross began to speak again.

' _Demelza…'_

He went back to stand in front of her and after a moment of hesitation he kneeled at her side grabbing her hands in his.

' _Demelza, all I want to do is to take care of you, and Jeremy, the two of you are the most important thing… our family is what matters most to me in the world, you know that. I know I let you down, that I betrayed you and took you for granted, and caused you pain and I… I am so sorry Demelza, you were so undeserving of any harm. I'm sorry, not a day goes by without me regretting it. I was so stupid, so blind…'_

Demelza tried to free her hands from his grip but he didn't let her.

'… _and I am lost without you. Ever since I came back from America I've been trying to fix my life, my home, trying to give work to my friends, to make those bloody mines to produce, to give us a life and you were there all along the way, by my side and yes… maybe sometimes I was so submerged in all of that that I didn't notice you were there… I was an idiot. And now, now that I have everything we so hard fought for, it all means nothing without you my love, I would give it all away if that would made you come back to me…'_

Ross's voice was broken by emotion. His heart open to her in a way he never did before. She couldn't help crying, finally hearing what she so long hankered to hear from him.

'… _And she, she means nothing to me anymore, you were never second best, but if you felt like that then I apologize once again and I promise you Demelza I will live the rest of my days for you to know how much I love you.'_

He let go of her hands for her to wipe her tears with the sheets.

' _Ross… I…I don't know what to say.'-_ she said between hiccups and the tears falling through her cheeks.

' _That's alright my love, you don't have to say anything now, just… get some rest.'_

He kissed both of her hands and covered her again with the blankets and went to the door.

' _Ross'_ -she called him when he was about to get out- _'Thank you. For saying that.'_

He nodded to her and went away.

* * *

Even after what Ross had told her, Demelza fell asleep soon after he left the room, she really was very tired and she could use a good night of sleep. She woke up the next morning when the first glow of sunlight sneaked through the window. She washed, got dressed and combed her hair and went down stairs to prepared breakfast. She saw him with the corner of her eyes, Garrick was resting in his usual place in front of the fire but there was something else next to him. Ross was cocooned in a pile of blankets, sitting in the armchair, his legs stretched to the fire near the dog. Demelza bent down next to him and gently touched his shoulder to wake him up.

' _Ross…'_

' _mmm… what? Are you alright?'_

He sat suddenly looking up at her. He had slept uncomfortable there, next to the now old dog, waking up every hour to check on Demelza. She didn't hear him even once, every time he touched her head looking for any sign of fever and covering her every time that she tossed the blankets away in her sleep. He looked at her now, her face had regained its color, her cheeks still soften by the night of rest.

' _I told you I am fine… Did you sleep here?'_

' _Yes. I was worried, I couldn't have closed my eyes if I went to Nampara.'_

She stared at him for a while, his curls were untamed worst than ever, his hair was too long. He stood up, the blankets falling at his feet, his shirt over the pants.

' _There's still warm water in my room if you want to wash.'_ -she said.

' _You sure you are well?'_

' _Yes Ross!'_

He gave her a playful smile and went to her room not without looking at her again when his head was about to disappear in the first floor, she was watching him go when he turned to looked at her and fully smiled at her this time, but he didn't stop to see her reaction.

Before enter the master bedroom Ross went to see Jeremy, he was still asleep. It wasn't usual for him to see his son in the mornings, and it wasn't just now, it came to his mind that in the first years of Jeremy's life he had been an absent father, he could say to himself that the thought of Julia got in the way, the fear of let another child into his heart and then have it broken like the first time was the reason, but he would be lying to himself. It was another of his missteps. But he was mending that mistake, little by little, day by day. Being with him was his only consolation since they broke apart, now he treasured those moments and perhaps after last night the same could happen with Demelza, if he stood by her maybe he could regain her trust, her love. He'll have to, otherwise he didn't know what to do. He went to wash himself to her bedroom.

He heard Demelza coming to Jeremy's room, after a moment he also heard his son's voice, he went back there and stood at the door watching Demelza clean the boy face and upper body with a wet cloth while they talked to each other about what Jeremy had dreamed in the night. It wasn't until they were finished that he saw him.

' _Papa!'_ –the boy ran to his arms.

' _Good morning my boy.'_

' _Do you want to play marbles with me?'_

Ross grinned to his tireless son.

' _Yes, I want to, but maybe in another time. You have to take breakfast and I have to go to the mine.'_

' _And you have to finish getting yourself dressed Jeremy. Blue or brown jacket my love?'_ –Demelza said holding both pieces of clothing in her hands showing them to him.

' _mmm… Blue!'_

' _Then blue it is'_

Demelza came closer to them and finished dressing Jeremy in Ross' arms. She also combed his hair and after she was done the boy climbed down his father and went to find his marbles leaving both of his parents standing face to face.

' _You're such a good mother'_ -Ross told her.

' _I'm just a mother, I don't know how good I am'_ –She said shrugging and turning back to accommodate the bedroom.

' _You are an excellent mother Demelza'_

She looked at him for a moment…

' _You are a good father too Ross'_

' _Nonsense. I am not, we both know that, there's no point denying it.'_

' _Maybe that was true once, but it's not right now. The last few months… you've been good with him, that's what matter.'_

Ross couldn't think what to say, it was the first compliment he had received from his wife since that night. Demelza realizing he didn't have anything else to say went back to her cleaning.

' _I'll go to the mine…'_

' _Oh'_ -she turned to face him once more- _'you're not stay for breakfast?'_

Now Ross was not only surprised but a little bit shocked for the invitation.

' _Yes, I mean, if you want me to… let me to…'_

She shrugged once more, but there were no sign of sadness or irony in her face.

' _Yes. I'd like that.'_ –he affirmed again.

* * *

 **Next Chapter: The Accident.**

AN: Thanks for reading, the kudos and the lovely comments!


	8. Chapter 8: The Accident

**Chapter 8: The Accident**

They had breakfast listening to Jeremy's plans for the day, which included playing with Garrick, exploring Dwight's laboratory, a trip to the Martins to play with Mrs. Martin's younger children and a tournament of marbles with Ross. He promised the boy to come earlier while there were still light and the sun would warm them a bit so they could play outside. Demelza had served tea and milk, bread with jam and cream and some scones right out from the oven of which Ross ate more than half a tray. Even when Demelza didn't say much he could sense her slightly more relax in his presence and he rejoiced in the feeling of that. It was obvious to him now that he should had say the words he said to her the night before so much sooner, he couldn't believe he wouldn't done it before. But he had told her now, that he was sorry and he regretted what he did to them, so now he would give time for those words to settle in her.

While he was in the mine the sunny day morphed into a stormy one during the afternoon. The sky was covered in dark grey clouds and the strong wind blow made the rain fall sideways. Night came before its usual hour, and Jeremy was very disappointed that he wasn't going to be able to play outside with his father.

Demelza didn't hear the bell from Wheal Grace. She was sitting by the fire sewing one of Jeremy's shirts when a loud knock on the door startled her. Prudie opened the door and revealed a soaking wet Captain Henshawe.

 _'Mistress Poldark'_ -he said stepping inside and taking off his tricorn.- _'There's been an accident.'_

' _Where's Ross?'_ -was the first thing it came out of her, desperation in her voice.

 _'He's hurt ma'am, he'll arrive in any moment, some of the men are carrying him... He's not badly injured'_ \- he added looking Demelza's face - _'at least I don't think so, I got ahead to warn you, his arm is...'_

The door swung open again, this time without knocking, and three men appeared, one holding Ross's left arm over his shoulders, the other carrying his legs. They had covered him with his coat to protect him from the rain, but one of them took it off once they were inside. Demelza noted that his right shoulder was in an odd angle, and his shirt was so wet with water and blood that it looked like he didn't have it on at all.

 _''E past out on th' way here'_ \- one of the men said.

With one movement of her arm Demelza threw to the floor everything that was on the table.

 _'Here, put him down here, Prudie take Jeremy upstairs. Help me to take the table closer to the fire. Bring me some linens, upstairs! She will tell you'_ \- she motioned to one of the men to follow Prudie.- _'we have to keep him warm and stop the bleeding.'_

She was working fast and not quite sure of what she was doing. She had never have to deal with an injury like this, most of her patients were women or children, maybe some very old men, but nothing urgent like in this case. She removed his shirt, she cut it with her bare hands and finally saw the deep rip in Ross's skin, it was in the backside of his right upper arm, the same arm that was dislocated from his shoulder. It was still bleeding and she pressed her hands over it trying to stop it, like she remembered Ross did when Francis got shot.

 _'We need to stop the bleeding, Capt'n Henshawe, press here where my hand is,'_ -she took one of the cloths that the man brought from upstairs and gave it to him- _'I need to clean the wound. What happened?'_

Demelza went to the kitchen to clean her hands, she put water to boil in the fire and searched for the rum.

 _'The 60 foot tunnel started to flood, we had to stop the bomb because there was more water outside than on the inside, Captain Ross went down to tell the men that they should come up, he was the last one. There was too much water, and I think the stair broke while he was climbing. The men saw him hung from one arm but then he fell and hurt his arm with the_ _splinters_ _of the broken wooden stair.'_

When he ended with the story Demelza was back at his side with more pieces of linens, the rum and a couple of tweezers she found in Dwight's laboratory. She waited for the water to boil and cleaned them with it, then she spread the alcohol over the wound.

 _'Ahhhhh!'_ -Ross screamed and tried to hold his arm with the good one. Demelza stopped him and put his healthy arm next to his body.

 _'Hold him.'_ -she said to Paul Daniel, who she just recognized was one of the men who was carrying Ross.- _'Ross, can you hear me? You are hurt, you lost too much blood and fainted. Some of the men brought you home, but I need to see to this wound and I need you to stay very still, do you understand?'_

Ross opened his eyes very slowly and nodded to Demelza.

' _Demel…'_ -he tried to speak but she cut him off.

' _Shhh… save your strength. You think you can seat? They will hold you while I tend to the wound.'_

He looked up at her, Demelza was leaning over him with her face closer to his so he could watch her and she could hear his response. _'Yes'_

They set to work. Paul Daniel and Captain Henshawe helped Ross to seat in the edge of the table and, at Demelza's orders covered the good half of his body with a blanket so he wouldn't get cold. Demelza put a candle on the table in addition to the light coming from the hearth and began to clean the wound again. Ross hissed between his lips but didn't complain, the pain so strong that he couldn't turn his head to watch his wife. She was concentrated on taking away any rest of the wood that may have penetrated the wound, carefully grabbing it with the tweezers if she found one and checking up and down with the candle in case she missed another.

After half an hour she was done, but she had to do something else first before closing the rip. She soaked a piece of wool in alcohol and pressed to Ross's arm.

' _Ross, I need you to do something for me. Put your left hand where mine is and press the…'_

' _I can do that Mistress'_ -said one of the miners, and she must gave him a violent look because he back up almost immediately.

' _Here Ross, hold this.'_ \- she helped Ross put his own hand over the broken arm and then she grabbed his right hand between hers.- _'Hold it tight. Now Ross, look at me,'_ -and he did. He looked at her directly in her greeny eyes, his small and bloodshot but searching for hers anyway. _'I need to see how your muscles are working'_ -she lied – _'when I'll say three you will press my hand with all your strength, all right? Here we go, 1, 2…'_

She didn't wait to get to three. She pulled his arm down and front with all the force she managed to gather to re accommodate his shoulder. Ross screamed and cursed from the pain and did grabbed her hand very tight but let it go in the instant he realized he may hurt her. Instead his screaming was suffocated when Demelza put his head in her shoulder, trying not to touch his right arm but caressing his hair over the left one. After a moment she pulled back.

' _Is that better? I need to clean the wound again before the stitches.'_ -and she started to move again.

For the first time Ross raised his gaze and looked at the three men who were watching in amazement. He tried to see the wound moving his head, thing he couldn't do moments ago, but the cut was out of his sight so he tried to lift his arm and twist it to see it.

' _Auhh'_

' _Don't Ross! Don't move, and keep holding that bandage.'_

Demelza was back in front of him, concentrated again on his patient, she had brought a big needle this time that she left on the table while she helped him bend his arm over his chest.

' _If you don't need us again ma'am we should go'_ \- the men had been anxiously looking at the needle.

Demelza escorted them to the door and thanked them for the help. She also reassured them that Captain Poldark would be alright but he would need a few days resting. It was no longer raining but surely it would continue doing it during the night. In the meantime the men went back to the mine or their houses not without Demelza kindly thank them again.

Jeremy who was scared at first when he saw his father arrived in such condition was now sitting at the top of the stairs watching what was happening in the ground floor. Demelza saw him with the corner of her eye.

' _Shouldn't 'ee be in bed Jeremy?'_

' _Is papa ill?'_

' _I'm fine Jeremy. Just a scratch.'_ \- it was Ross who answered with a raspy voice.

The boy came down and went closer to his father to examine the wound.

' _It doesn't look like a scratch. Does it hurt?'_

' _Not that much'_ -he replied looking at Demelza who was warming water again.

' _Go upstairs, I have to finish curing your papa and it won't be nice.'_

' _I want to stay, I've no fear.'_

Ross smiled at his son, who reminded him so much to his mother. He motioned to him to seat in a bench next to him, Jeremy brought it closer and sat resting his little head in his father knee.

' _Fine. But don't move.'-_ Demelza said

Jeremy was a great distraction to Ross who made small talk with the boy and told him about how he fell while Demelza stitched his flesh together. He was obviously in pain but didn't complain, only a couple times he gasped uncomfortable.

' _I fell of the fence once'_ -Jeremy told him- _'and hurt my elbow and my knee and there was a lot of blood, but mama attended me and she kissed my elbow and my knee and it didn't hurt anymore… mama, would you kiss papa so the pain goes away?'_

Ross tried to look at his wife but he couldn't see her face, she was seating on the table at his back, busy with the stitches.

' _Stay still. And quiet. Both of you.'_

The boy was soothing Ross's hand when Demelza finished. The skin around the wound looked red and a bit aflame but she hoped it would heal. All she had to do was check for any sign of infection and clean it for the next few days. The shoulder seemed in the right place, although a little swollen. He would have to rest until he could move it again.

She saw Jeremy looking at her while she was inspecting his husband's arm. The little one had a frown between his eyes, clearly worried about his father. Demelza gave him a big smile and then bent and kissed Ross in the back of his upper arm and then again on his shoulder. Jeremy giggled.

She went down the table and stood in front of him starting to clean the instruments she used.

' _You'll have another scar. We only have to bind it and that's it.'_

Demelza went out of his reach. Ross could feel the beating of his heart trying to escape trough his through. The love and admiration he felt for that woman who had saved him so many times and in some many ways overwhelming. That he didn't realize how much she meant for him before was inexplicable. He remained there for a while, still seating on the table trying to regain control of his body and overcome the pain he felt not just in his arm but in all his extremities, the spots where Demelza placed her lips still tickling. Jeremy was falling sleep in his leg so Ross gently touched his head to wake him.

' _Jeremy, you should go to bed.'_ -he quietly told him. The boy raised his head and stroked his eyes with his hands, fighting to beat the sleepiness. - _'Come, let me stretch my legs and I'll go with you.'_

' _You'll have to eat first, you lost a lot of blood… and you too Jeremy, supper is almost ready.'_

Ross looked down on himself noticing that he was half naked.

' _I'll fetch you a shirt. The one you were wearing is useless.'_

She went upstairs and came back with one of Ross's clean shirts. She helped him put it on, first the wounded arm, then the head and then the other arm. And tied the fabric that was holding his arm around his neck again.

' _This is mine…'_ \- he said looking confused at the shirt she just put on him.

' _Yes. T'was here for mending. You must try not to move your arm. Do you think you'll be able to eat with one hand?'_

He looked confused at her again and nodded.

They ate in silence. Demelza managed to put together in a few minutes a succulent soup with some bread and ale. Jeremy finally caught by the events of the evening was quiet, tearful and sleepy. He didn't finish his dinner and asked to go to bed.

' _You'll sleep with me tonight my love, let papa sleep in your bed.'_

Both Poldarks raised their heads in questioning but neither said anything. After she put Jeremy to sleep and made sure that Prudie would clean the plates from the table, she helped Ross to settle for the night.

' _It isn't raining anymore, I can go back to Nampara.'_

She was stirring the fire.

' _Not tonight. You're weak, and there is still risk of infection, we'll have to see there's no fever during the night.'_

She prepared the bed adding one more blanket, and moved her head for him to come to the bed.

 _'I'll help you with the boots.'_

Ross went to seat where she indicated it. She skillfully took off both of his boots, like she had done thousands of times, she put them near the feet of the bed and went back to where he was seating.

 _'You need help with your breeches?'_

 _'I... I don't think so'_

He stood up and with the left hand tried to unbutton his trousers. He sighed in defeat at the second one. Demelza quickly did the job remaining and told him to seat so she could remove them. When she got up Ross took her by her waist and brought her closer to him, resting his forehead in her stomach. She didn't move.

 _'Thank you... Demelza'_

They stood like this for a long moment. He was trying to cope with the events of the afternoon and in truly gratitude not just to her but to he didn't know who for having her in his life.

 _'If you need anything just call me, I can hear Jeremy from my room when he's in here...'_

Even then, when she meant to leave he didn't let her go.

 _'I love you.'_ -He whispered and released her.

* * *

 **Next Chapter: Reckless**


	9. Chapter 9: Reckless

**Chapter: Reckless**

Demelza woke up next to her husband in her son's bedroom. This time it was her the one that couldn't sleep worried about Ross's health. She had been coming and going from her bed to Jeremy's room to check on Ross, touching his forehead looking for any sign of fever, watching his arm for any sign of infection during the first part of the evening, almost freezing herself in the hall in the cold evening and trying not to wake any of the Poldarks with her ramblings. In her third trip while she held the palm of her hand against his head, Ross moved to his side a little and said:

 _'Your hand is frozen. Get in bed or you will catch a chill.'_

He didn't open his eyes, she could swear he was sleeping but he moved even further in the bed to make space for her. She doubted at first, but there was really no point in going around the hall in the middle of the cold night. She thought about bringing the armchair that was next to the fireplace downstairs, but that certainly would had wake all the house. So she did. She laid in the edge of the bed as far away as she could from him but Ross tried to cover her better with the blankets and moaned in pain for using his arm to hold himself, so she came closer to him.

It was still dark when she opened her eyes, a pale gloom from the ashes in the hearth illuminating the room, Ross hand on top of hers. She caressed his palm to check his temperature but it was not warmer than usual, seem that the danger of any infection had passed. She didn't want to get up yet, the warmth of the bed and her husband too cozy compared to the freezing air of late January. Again, she didn't realize that Ross was also awake.

The pain in his right arm had kept him far from sleep during the first hours of the night. He had his eyes shut when he heard Demelza's steps coming across the hall, and then felt her careful hand gently touch his forehead and then his shoulder. He wondered if she would be back and about half an hour later there she was again, and then he kept on waiting for her once more. Now she was lying under the covers next to him. Her hand clasped with his own in the middle of the space between them.

' _Where did you learn to do that?'_ -he whispered.

Demelza was caught in surprise by Ross's voice, her body went tense and she tried to pull away her hand from his but he didn't let her.

' _From you, actually.'_ -she said after a moment _–'I remember how you tended Francis that day of the duel with Andrew.'_

' _God. That seems like a life time ago. You were nearly a child…'_

' _Child or not I remember what you did to stop the bleeding and the other I learned from Dwight.'_

' _Oh. That hurt by the way.'_ \- he teased her.

' _It would have hurt much more if we'd wait to do it. Or even worst, if Dr. Choake had cut it off.'_

Ross smiled at her. His beautiful and skillful wife, if he could just turn his body to his side and bring her body against his. He yearned for her but when he tried to move his entire body complained from the pain.

' _Does still hurt?'_ -She asked when she saw his expression change.

' _I'll be alright'_

' _You must rest. And not move your arm until is heal…'_

' _It feels mended. You did a fantastic job my love '_

' _Ross…'_

' _Truly Demelza, I'll be fine. Don't look so preoccupied or I will think that you still care for me.'_

She made a silly face to him and got out of the bed.

' _Stay in bed for a longer while. I'll come back to help you when breakfast is ready.'_

After washing and changing her clothes Demelza went down to prepare breakfast. She was still shaked by the events of the previous day. Still fresh in her mind the image of Ross being carried unconscious into the house. For a second she thought the worst but her body didn't have the time to assimilated it, she had got to work, to help him. Much later, after she left him resting in Jeremy's room and after hearing him whisper his gratitude and love for her she couldn't contain herself no longer. She cried, a waterfall of silent tears emanating from her eyes. She almost lost him, it had been a silly accident but it could have been worst. What if he couldn't grab himself to the stairs? What if he would fall and broke his neck? She knew the mining business was risky and she accepted that but this time when the tragedy had been so close again she couldn't help but think, what if something had happened to Ross and he would had gone thinking she didn't love him anymore? That she didn't care for him?. Maybe it was time to let it go. She was tired of fighting him, of resisting him. And she needed him with her, and after what he said to her in the last couple of days the wall she had built around her heart was finally cracking.

Demelza went to help Ross after setting the table and helping Jeremy to get out of bed.

 _'I'm bringing you another shirt, I sent Jud for more clothes but who knows when he be back, but the breeches and the coat are already dry, I have to clean the wound...'_

Ross sat near the fire while his wife attended his arm once more, it was plain day now and she could see better...

 _'Definitely another scar...'_ -she muted to herself.

 _'How is there so many of my shirts here?'_

 _'They were here for mending'_ -She replied quietly, still concentrated in his arm.

 _'I thought Prudie was the one doing that.'_

 _'She just brings them here... and take them back when they're done...'_

 _'Oh...'_

 _'There. That's it for now.'_ -She helped him put his clothes on. Ross hissed every time he had to move his arm. She tied it against his chest, hanging from a piece of fabric from his neck.- _'Breakfast is ready, I think you can manage with a cup of tea.'_

He could. He sat next to the fire the rest of the morning watching Demelza going in and out of the cottage doing her chores and attending a couple of women who came to see her. At his wife orders, Jeremy was allowed to play near his father but he couldn't play with him or climb him for Ross to read him a story, instead he had to be content with not being sent to his room. By midday Jud arrived with some of his clothes, his tobacco and his pipe, so the house was fill with that smell so characteristic of Nampara. He felt better, the arm still pained him, but he was in better spirits. When Demelza was busy preparing lunch he told her:

 _'I have to go to the mine, I need to see the damage.'_

 _'No Ross, you have to rest. I spoke with Mss. Martin, Zacky and Capt'n Henshawe will come to see you after their shift.'_

 _'I can go and see them. Besides, the fresh air will do me good and it will not take too much effort to go there, Jud brought the cart, he can take me.'_

 _'Judas Ross. You can't go, you're still weak, and least of all trust Jud won't drop you in the middle of the road...'_

 _'I'll be alright, I'll be very, very carefull...'_

Demelza shook her head in defeat, knowing her husband too well to believe she could change his mind when he was up to something.'

 _'If you must... but I'll be the one driving you.'_

* * *

The journey wasn't as easy as Ross expected. To the uneven road they have to add the mud and water left by the storm, in a couple of occasions they had to get down from the wooden cart so Darkie could get through, once Demelza had to push the cart so she could move. She should not be doing that, they both thought but none said anything.

Captain Henshawe greeted them in the mine's office.

 _'Captain Ross, Ma'am, didn't expect to see you here so soon...'_

 _'Well, you know Captain Poldark, he wouldn't leave Grace without his attention not even for a day...'-Demelza said._

 _'I came to see the damage. Did you go down? Is it collapsed?'_

 _'It was flooded when I went down this morning, but the engine bomb has been working since then, Zacky is inspecting it right now, he should be here in any moment.'_

Henshawe sent a miner to look for Zacky Martin, while they waited they talked about the accident and how lucky Ross had been to not fall from higher or in a stronger way. Henshawe also added that big part of the luck was that Mistress Poldark was capable to attend him so diligently.

 _'I tend to agree with you, otherwise I'd be with one less arm...'_

 _'You have also been part of the luck Capt'n,'_ \- Demelza said- _'thank you for bring him home so quickly and under such a weather...'_

Ross took a look at his wife while they exchanged compliments, he thought he heard her said something the night before, when he was laying on the table but he may had been hallucinating, now he heard her repeat that word, home. They carried him home, not to Nampara but where she was.

Zacky came up through the trap door that led to the tunnels while they were chatting.

 _'Capt'n Ross! 'tis a surprise t' see 'ee here. Good afternoon ma'am'_

 _'How are things down there Zacky?'_

 _'We're putting timbers but 'tis just a precaution, there was no rock fall, 'twas only water.'_

 _'I'll go to see they're in properly disposition before the shift ends.'_ -said Captain Henshawe.

 _'I'll join you.'_ -Ross added.

 _'Ross.'_ -Demelza said only for him to hear-'No.'

 _'Sure you can Captain? I'll make sure there is no risk.'_ -Henshawe told him watching Mss. Poldark's face.

 _'I'm sure you will Hensh, but I'd like to have a look myself. Did you have to buy the timbers or we had some in stock?'_

While the men continued talking about the safety measures to take in the lower tunnel Demelza was left staring at her husband. Of course he will go down, that's why he went for, there was no way he would be satisfied just talking with Henshawe and be reassured everything was fine, he had to go down and see for himself, putting him again at risk no matter what she said. It didn't matter that he could only climb with one arm to hold... she knew the men would take care of him, she could even go down with them herself, what would Ross say about that? But that's not what she wanted, she wanted that for once Ross would listen to her and would not put himself in unnecessary risk.

They were in deep conversation when she went out of the mine's office. No one noticed her leave.

A few minutes later a couple of miners went in to prepare for their shift, it was then when Ross looked around looking for his wife.

 _'Where's Demelza?'_ -he asked to the others but no one answered.

 _'I've seen Mss. Poldark g' down th' path over th' cliffs sur'_ -one of the just arrived miners told him.

Both Henshawe and Zacky looked awkwardly at Ross.

 _'Excuse me gentlemen'_ \- He said and went out looking for her.

Demelza was walking fast towards home. She was furious with Ross and felt like a fool for letting him do this to her again. Ross spotted her in the distance, he tried to run but his legs were also sore, he had to do it anyway. When he was closer he called for her, she turned to see him but didn't stop so he kept running.

 _'Demelza!'_ -she turned to face him when he was a few feets from her.

 _'What do you want Ross?'_

 _'Why did you leave? Where are you going?'_ -he asked breathless

 _'I'm going to my house to prepare the linens and boil the water and find the needle so I can stitch you when they'll bring you with a broken neck!'_

 _'Demelza, that's not...'_

 _'Going to happen? Probably not. But that's not the point. The point is that you are the most reckless, stubborn man ever existed! It's like having to take care of another child! Even Jeremy has more sense than you and more regard for my feelings. You do this kind of things all the time! You never listen to me, you put yourself in danger I don't know what for and all I can do is wait for you to get hurt and you don't mind what that does to me!'_

 _'What it does to you?'_

 _'Ross...'_ -didn't he know?- _'I'm your wife...'_

 _'You have not been my wife for quite a while now, you don't want to be my wife.'_

 _'Ross. That's not true...'_

 _'I know I'm far from being perfect Demelza but you're not perfect either. You left me. Abandon me, remember?'_

They were standing on the edge of a cliff. Demelza's dress was still wet near her feet and her shoulders were covered with a chal. She was trembling from head to toes, but it was not from cold.

 _'What else could I do? After... after you and Eli...'_

' _Enough with Elizabeth. She doesn't matter anymore, nothing else matters to me but you, you know that, I told you... Everything, everyone I know, my relatives and friends, Elizabeth, her house, our house, the mine… I'd throw them all in the dust for you and you know it, you know that Demelza. If you don't know it then, after all this years… I know I failed you and no words I can give you now will make that different, but I love you Demelza, and we've had such happiness before and I want to have it again. With you.'_

She went silent and looked from the sea to her husband trying to make up her mind. Ross went on a step closer to her, his good hand reaching for her elbow and said more softly:

 _'I won't go down the mine, you're right, is foolish, and I know I properly do foolish things but I always had you by my side to tell me when I do so...'_

 _'For what is worth, you never listen to me.'_

 _'I do listen to you. You're the voice in my head saying I've to come home, you're the reason that I want to be home, if you had not been by my side all these years God knows where I'll be right now... I'll try to do better, to be a better husband and not give you such sorrow. On the contrary, all I want is make you happy, that's what I always wanted and to make you proud... though that ship is sailed now… I need you to let me try again.'_

Demelza had to wipe a tear that escaped her eyelashes.

 _'...we can have anything you want now, with the mine prospering...'_

 _'Ross. I will stop you there because you're about to start to say foolish things. If the mine wouldn't recover, if we had to work the fields or go fishing to survive it wouldn't make a difference, I wouldn't love you less for that, I hope you know that because otherwise it means that you don't know me at all...'_

 _'Of course I know it... do you still love me then?'_ -Ross' hand went from the arm of his wife to her waist. Demelza didn't reject him, instead she put one hand over his chest near his heart, the other carefully on his right shoulder. She nodded.

Ross smiled.

 _'Say it.'_

 _'Yes of course I love you Ross, but...'_ -she raised her gaze to look at him and didn't finished what she was saying. In fact she didn't know what she was trying to say. Her heart was willing to let the past go, to welcome him again in its love, ready to be loved back, but her mind was not so convinced. She needed it something else. Ross' smile disappeared when she went a few steps back, his hand reaching out for hers, just their fingers holding each other in a light touch.

 _'But?'_

 _'I... I don't know. It can't be that easy, I mean, words, they're just words. Everything you said, I want to believe you, and I love you Ross, I do, but how would I know that you mean it? That you will do what you say?'_

 _'You won't know that Demelza,' -_ he said almost whispering to her, looking at her, seeing her fears in the deep blue of her eyes _\- 'you will have to have faith in me.'_

Faith.

Demelza realized that in some point in all those terrible months she had lost her faith in her husband, and she was horrified by it. It was her who had said that no matter what happened, what he did or not, said or not, she had faith in him and in their marriage. They couldn't do this again on love basis alone, actually they didn't do it like that when they first got married, he didn't love her back then and yet they grew in love together.

 _'Do you still have faith in me? Even after everything I did, even when I'm stubborn and pigheaded?'_

Ross brought her closer once more, pressing her to him, his arm clasped to her lower back.

 _'I wouldn't have you any other way Demelza. And I wouldn't have any other, look at me Demelza'_ -she had cast her sight away, but he forced her to look at him and waited until he was sure he had her full attention- _'any other, but you. I don't want to face the world without you.'_

She laid her head on the base of his neck, holding him tight to her. He did the same, smelling her hair's perfume and softly kissing her head. They held to each other for a very long time, neither of them wanting to let go. Eventually Ross realized where they were standing.

 _'You know where we are?'_

Demelza raised her head to look at him but didn't lose contact with the rest of his body.

 _'There, is where I came to look for you, when I proposed to you.'_ -He said with an inclination of his head indicating a place a few feet ahead of them.

 _'Oh, yes, you're right.'_ -she looked around behind her, searching for the place where her life had completely change, then with a tease on her voice she said: _'Though you didn't actually proposed...'_

 _'What do you mean?'_

 _'Well, you didn't ask for anything, you just told me...'_

 _'Would you have said no?'_

 _'Now you'd never know, wouldn't you?'_

They both smiled, the tease in her voice sounded strange and unfamiliar. Ross walked the few steps Demelza had done and took her in his arms again, he searched for her face, waited until her eyes were looking directly at his and then kissed her. His hand on her cheek, he put a lock of red hair behind her ear and rested his forehead in hers.

 _'Did I mention that I love you?'_ -he said to her once more.

 _'I believe that you did... I love you too Ross.'_

He waited for Demelza to say something else, but she didn't. It was her who brought her lips up to him to kiss him this time, a soft, sweet kiss fill with love and promise. They hugged to each other for a while, looking at each other and occasionally touching their lips in light kisses. The sun was setting on the horizon, and a cold breeze reached them in top of the cliff. Demelza wrapped her chal tighter over her shoulders and meant to leave but Ross held her hand and brought her close once more. His eyes were sparkling with the dying light and the beautiful cheeky half smiled of his appeared in his face.

 _'So...Demelza Poldark, will you do me the honor to be my wife again?'_

She laughed at the silliness of his question and in that instant felt something. She had felt it before but didn't realize until that moment. She went speechless. Looking at her husband, she didn't want to move or say something that could transpire what was going on in her mind, as it was custom in her. He was waiting, so she replied with honesty.

' _I'll have to think about it Mister Poldark, people say you're reckless'_ -she said teasingly and saw him exhaled the breath of air he was holding- _'Perhaps you can court me and persuade me.'_

They both smiled at her mischief, and Ross fervently kissed her again knowing that he would do anything for her wife, even wait for her.

* * *

 **Next Chapter:** **February 14th**

* * *

AN: Right! So we are almost there, only one more chapter... I'm still deciding if it will be one long chapter or I should break it in to two, I'll see in the week.

Thank you everyone for reading and follow this story, and for the sweets and encouraging comments, it means a lot.


	10. Chapter 10: February 14th

**AN:** This is the last chapter of this story. Is a bit longer than usual, so I divided it in two parts. The PART II contains some spoilers for the next season, not literally but you'll see. If you don't want to know anything ahead of series 3 you can read only the first part, I think it will totally make sense on its own and can be a good end too. I hope you guys enjoy it!

* * *

 **Last Chapter: February 14** **th**

PART I

The following weeks Ross developed a new routine, not that he was entirely content with it, but it was far more pleasant than he thought it would be at first. As always, since that fatidic night in may last year, he slept in the cot in the library, but from that day on the cliffs a couple of weeks ago things had changed for the better. He used to get up, get dressed and get on top of Darkie to go and see Demelza. She had told him she needed time to think about his proposal, he wanted them back on Nampara that very same day, but she was not so easily persuaded. In a way she was asking something that he never gave her, some kind of courtship, attentions between a man and a woman that he was pleased to give her, to call on her and to talk and spend time together with their son as chaperone.

His arm was almost healed, she had removed the stitches and helped him stretched it every day so it wouldn't lose muscle. He rode to the cottage every morning knowing that she always gets out of bed very early to do her chores so he could spend some time alone with her. And now that was what he did every morning, Demelza waited for him to have her breakfast and Ross took as a enormous sign of improvement when the marmalade she served was a strawberry one, his favorite.

The awkward silences were thing of the past as well, now the conversation was fluent and amicable, even when he was the one who made most of it. Ross had never been good in small talk, Demelza being the one in charge of telling gossips or telling him about her plans for the day and himself mostly listening with amusement, making ironic remarks or asking questions, now the situation was reversed, and Ross had become an expert in tricking Demelza into talks about the future, suddenly without her noticing she was wrapped in plans to go to town, dinners with their acquaintances, buying new furniture or even trips to France, to which she would gave him a look and if she was in good humor even a kick to his leg under the table.

After having breakfasted with his wife, Ross went to the mine, stood in the office until noon and then he'd go down with the afternoon shift. In past months he used to stay with the rest of the miners until their shift was over, when they went out it was already dark, but now he found that he didn't want to do that. A few days after the accident, when his wife considered that he was strong enough to go to Wheal Grace, Ross asked Demelza to help him with the mine's books:

 _'Ney Ross, I know nothing about mine numbers'_

 _'Is not very hard, I'll show you. I can't write with my arm like this'_ -he pivoted his body to show his side to Demelza.

 _'Then ask Henshawe to do it.'_

 _'Is not Henshawe's job. Besides he's got his hand full with the supervision of the tunnel, without me unable to go down...'_

 _'You can't go down yet.'_

 _'Then you'll help me with the books. Is your mine too Demelza, so don't make that funny face'_

 _'What face?'_

 _'This face'_ -Ross got his lips near Demelza's and waited for her to looked at him before sweetly touch her mouth with his.

 _'Tis fine Ross, I'll do it if you want me to.'_

 _'Yes, I want you to.'_ -he said with a winning tone- _'It's only a couple of days in the week, we can go after breakfast and be back to lunch with Jeremy.'_

And so they did. Two or three days of the week Demelza went with Ross to the mine and he taught her how to keep the books, with the load coming from the mine and the price they were selling it, minus the cost of coal and the payment to the miners and other outgoings, it was not hard but it required concentration and she couldn't get much with Ross prowling in the office, so he was soon send away to supervise the work on the ground.

When payday came, Demelza couldn't help being amaze by the amount of cash that Ross and Henshawe had brought from Pascoe, she had never seen so much money together in her life.

On their way back to the cottage Demelza was still astonished.

 _'You seem quiet.'_ -Ross told her while walking arm in arm by the path on top of the cliffs.

 _'The mine is really paying, isn't?'_

 _'I told you. And you've been keeping the books this last weeks so you should know.'_

 _'Yes, but 'tis different, when you see it I mean. Judas, I've never seen such amount in my life!'_

Ross smiled at her.

 _'Nor I until Grace started to pay. Are you pleased?'_

 _'Yes. Oh, but not for me, for th... for Jeremy. To think he will grow up with no needs, we mustn't take things for granted.'_

 _'We won't. We will take care of it for him, it will all be his someday.'_

Demelza's smile brightly and her green eyes sparkled with the sunshine of the dying day. Ross stopped walking next to her and brought her close to him, his hands in her waist, hers in his forearms. They looked at each other for what it seemed an eternity, Ross pressing her to him, never wanting to let her go again. He kissed her sweet and adoringly and she kissed him back, her heart beating so strongly she felt it could escape her body. When they stopped to breathe Ross rested his forehead in hers, like they used to do long ago.

 _'I'd like you to be pleased too. For you, not just for Jeremy.'_

 _'I am Ross.'_ -He took her face in his hands and kissed her again.

* * *

The hardest part of the day were the nights. Ross had not only taught her how to keep the numbers of Wheal Grace, but he also needed her to help him to draw the charts with the progress of the tunnels in each level, and this was a daily job, so after they had supper and Jeremy was already asleep, they sat together at the table with the parchment and a quill and he would point with his finger and tell her where the advance of the day had been and she would draw it on the paper.

Most of the days ended the same way. Her closeness, the candle light, the silence in the house and Ross looking over her shoulder, she couldn't help but shiver, her hand trembling and unable to finish her job. Even worst was the fact that Ross realized that and was encouraged to give her soft pecks from the edge of her dress to the back of her ear, a couple of times he even managed to steal a few kisses on her lips. It always ended up the same way though, with the _"Ross I have to finish this'"_ and the _"You better go now"_. So he reluctantly left her every night to complete her task alone. He promised to give her all the time she wanted and he would keep that promise not mattered how hard it was.

But this night something was different.

He couldn't say what or why. Maybe he felt it in the way she was holding his hand that afternoon, or maybe it was the kisses they shared on the way home. Now the day was long gone and the moonlight was piercing through the only parlour window. They didn't talk much at dinner, each of them lost in their own thoughts, when Ross came back downstairs after putting Jeremy to bed Demelza seemed to be ready for another night with charts, drawing tunnels and mine levels. He served two glasses with port and went to sit next to her. She slowly drank the glass Ross gave her and then began to work in the paper, he watched her for a while and then he yawned and stretched out his arms and ran a hand softly down her back, putting his arm around her waist to bring her closer to him.

' _Ross…'_

' _mmm?'_

She didn't say anything for a moment.

' _Yes, Demelza?'_

' _I don't want to do the maps tonight.'_ -she muttered.

Ross lifted his hand to her cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She turned her body to him and grabbed his hand in hers and kissed it.

' _What do you want to do?'_ -he gasped.

Demelza gave his hand another kiss and then shyly raised her eyes to his.

' _I want to show you something.'_ -she said _-'Will you let me?'_

' _Yes but… Demelza, these last few days have been marvelous, but I don't think I can…'_ -He was struggling to find the words, he knew what he wanted to say, but was still cautious about how would she react if he tried to move things forward- _'I won't be able to resist… Demelza, what I want is to hold you hard to me and kiss you, and never let you go.'_

Her long mouth curled in a faint smile as his glance met hers. She kissed his knuckles once more and stood up.

' _Let me show you. Wait here a moment and then come upstairs.'_ -she didn't let him reply, she left him there and went to her bedroom.

Ross could hear her wandering above his head, he wondered what she was about and what she was doing, the palms of his hands were sweating in anticipation. It could be nothing, she said she wanted to show him something but that could be anything, he drank in one sip the glass he was still holding. He waited a moment after he couldn't hear steps anymore and went up.

The hall was in darkness but a soft light was coming from her bedroom. The door was slightly open but he still knocked before coming in. There was only one candle burning next to the bed, Demelza was standing in the blaze of the fire next to the hearth. Her hair was loose, the curls waving over her shoulders, her skin like made of alabaster glowing in front of the fire, her cheeks pink the same as her lips. She was wearing a pale silk nightgown, tight over her chest, falling width like a tide to her feet. The cleavage was large and barely covered her breasts, it was held by a ribbon, the same that held the sleeves over her elbows.

His gaze traveled her body over and over again. His heart was pounding in his throat, he'd never seen her so beautiful, he'd never seen anything more beautiful than her in that moment.

' _Do you like it?'_ -Demelza asked him but he didn't hear her.

He took a step closer to her and raised his hand to touch her on her waist with one finger, he needed to check that she was real, that she was really there. He went around her, Demelza stood still while he watched her from behind like a tomcat. Her small back was covered by her hair, it was so long and it reached near the waist, her bottom covered by the waves of silk, he could see her gasping, her chest moving up and down with each breath.

He went back to stand in front of her.

' _Where did you get this?'_

' _I bought it,'_ -she hurried to reply _-'from the dressmaker in Sawle. She said is the latest fashion in London.'_

' _London…'_

' _You don't like it?'_

For the first time since he came to the room he looked up from her body to her eyes.

' _Like it?... Like is a very short of a word to describe what I feel for you in this moment Demelza. You look exquisite. You look like a bride… my bride?'_

She nodded quietly and he took her in his arms. She pulled against his grip and he sucked her breath with a kiss as he pressed to her even deeper. They touched and caressed each other where they could reach. Ross took off his boots while Demelza untied his neckcloth and unbuttoned his waistcoat, they were soon in the bed, Ross covering her body with his, kissing her face, her neck, her shoulders, his hands roving trough her body over the silk.

' _Did you buy it for me?'_ -he whispered in her ear, the thought of her thinking ahead in this moment arousing him deeper.

She chuckled with his question. – _'Yes Ross.'_

He raised his head to look at his wife.

' _You're a supposed to moan ecstatically, not giggle.'_

' _Then you must endeavor yourself harder'_

He kissed her deeply, and as yet too hungry and too clumsy for tenderness, still they made love with a sort of unflagging joy and passion utterly new but yet familiar, and in that moment the past no longer existed and there were only the two of them like they were before, stronger than they were, full and lost in their love.

* * *

Midnight found the Poldarks cuddled close beneath the sheets, Demelza's leg between Ross's, her head on his shoulder and her fingers caressing his chest. His hand draw patterns over of her back, her skin was tingling and tight with goosebumps.

Ross fondled her forehead with his lips, she felt him smell her hair, she planted a kiss over his heart and lifted her head from his shoulder putting her arms across him and resting her face over her hands, he started to untangled her hair with his fingers while she looked at him.

 _'Will you come back to Nampara?'_ -he asked her after a while.

She didn't reply immediately, instead she kept pecking his chest, teasing him with her tongue until she reached his mouth. She could feel him waking once more underneath her and she wanted to have him inside her again, but they were things that needed it to be said before.

'Demelza.'-he spoke between her lips.

 _'mmm?'_

He kissed her deeply once more, but then he held her face away a few inches from his.

 _'I want you to come home. Would you?'_

Demelza placed her head again over her hands on top of his chest and sighed.

 _'I supposed that would be proper... I miss home. Miss my garden and my kitchen. And the windows! Is so dark in here... And I miss to play the spinet...'_

 _'Do you miss your husband too?'_

 _'Sometimes.'_ -She said laughing, but Ross didn't smile, so she drew close to him again and gave him a light kiss on the lips.- _'Of course I miss you Ross. All this time, I've done nothing but miss you, and long for you, and think of you, and...'_

 _'Alright, alright, no need to make fun of me.'_

Her whole body was resting on top of his, he held her by the waist pressing her tighter against him.

 _'Yes, I will go home Ross... But I think I'll miss this place too, it was a healing place. In any case this house is too small for all of us, and I want our child to be born in Nampara'_

Ross was listening to her but didn't quite react when she spoke the last words. Second after second, like and eco they reached his brain, he let go his hands from her and tried to sit over the back of the bed but couldn't quite do it with Demelza resting on top of him.

 _'Child?'_ -he said with surprise in his voice. Demelza looked at him, with... fear?, he couldn't tell. She responded him quietly while she got off from him.

 _'I'm pregnant Ross'_

For a moment Demelza remembered when she found out she was pregnant with Jeremy, she remembered Ross telling her he didn't want any more children, she remembered how she feared to tell him she was with child. Now she hadn't thought in any of that, she thought he would be happy after everything that happened between them. Could she be wrong?

 _'Christmas?'_

She nodded and tried to seat in the bed as well but Ross didn't let her, he lay down under the blankets again and brought her close to him once more. Ross said nothing for a while.

 _'Is that why you are coming back with me?'_

 _'What?'_

 _'Because you're with child?'_

 _'No. No Ross...How can you think that! After all we been through in this last few months, and after everything we said...'_ -she tried to seat once again.

 _'Shhhh... I'm joking Demelza.'_

 _'Well is not funny!'_

He smiled sweetly at her and after a little hesitation she laid back against him once more. Ross turned his body to her side, resting Demelza on her back and gently started to kiss her on her cheek, near her eyes, on her forehead, her nose, while with his hand he traveled her body from her neck to her belly and let it resting in there.

 _'Are you pleased Ross?'_

 _'Demelza, I don't think ever a man could love someone more than how I love you right now. Yes, I am pleased, I am so happy my love, thank you.'_

He kissed her and in his kiss he tried to put all the love he had inside for her and hoped that she could feel how much she meant for him. His partner, his friend, his lover, his wife. His loyal Demelza.

 _'I hope it's a girl. A redheaded baby girl like her mama.'_

* * *

PART II

 _'Where is mama Jeremy?'_

 _'She's gone out'_ -said the little one.

It was nearly noon when Ross opened his eyes. He had a faint recollection of Demelza telling him something and then touching his cheek with her lips, but he couldn't remember exactly what she said, something about him staying in bed and her chores?. They stayed awake until very late in the night, he felt numb, rested and above all things, happy.

He woke up because someone was shaking his legs, or rather jumping in them. Jeremy was over the bed, swinging over his knees. When he stuck his head from under the blankets he also saw Garrick with his two legs on the edge of the mattress looking strangely at him. The boy hugged him and laid his head on the pillow next to him, he talked while Ross finished waking up, he thought about calling for Demelza so the three of them could lay on bed all day, he was in such a good mood he would even let Garrick rest on the bed too.

 _'Where did she go?'_

Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and pouted, raising his hands to indicate he didn't know.

 _'A man in a big carriage came to look for her and she left.'_

Surely to see one of her patients he thought, well now that she was moving back to Nampara people won't feel so freely to look for her so often and with the child even Demelza will want to be more time at home, if he learned something from her first two pregnancies it was that Demelza didn't like to show her swollen belly to anyone unless it was strictly necessary.

His good humor didn't last much, he just had to come downstairs.

He found Prudie violently kneading a dough.

 _'Where's Demelza?'_ -he asked her.

Oddly she sighed and looked at him for a long second before telling him:

 _'She went t' Trenwith.'_

 _'What?'_

 _'They came lookin' for 'er. Missus Warleggan tis about t' have 'er child.'_

Ross was astonished, frozen, as if someone had thrown him a bucket of cold water.

 _'Why?... Why did they come for her? Why did you let her go?!'_

 _'I?! I told 'er to tell 'ee, but she didn't want t' wake 'ee... said she be back soon. A steward came, said Mr. Warleggan hired a doctor from London but th' child came sooner an' Dr. Choake been away... So he sent for 'er, she being a gentle woman an' all...'_

 _'Jesus Prudie!'_

He doubted what he should do, he couldn't go to Trenwith. If George had sent for Demelza must be because he really mustn't have anyone else to turn to, but if he went there he would probably send his thugs for him. If Demelza said she'd be back soon maybe he should wait.

 _'How long since she went?'_

 _'About two hours'_

He couldn't wait. At least he would go and wait for her on the road.

* * *

When Demelza arrived to Trenwith Mss. Tabb welcomed her in the house, she seemed very stressed and was clearly glad that she was there. While she guided her way to Elizabeth's bedroom she told her that Mr. Warleggan was very nervous about Mistress Elizabeth's and his child's health, apparently Elizabeth had fallen on the stairwell and because of that the baby was coming earlier. She also told her that George was furious because the doctor he hired hadn't even left London, Dr. Choake was in Bath, Dr. Enys at war so there was only the village midwifes to turn to. He reluctantly had accepted her suggestion of calling for Mss. Demelza Poldark.

Elizabeth looked pale, her georgian beauty hid behind a veil of pain. She looked surprised when she saw her. Demelza quickly ordered boiled water and more towels, also some brandy wine for the Mistress, and she prepared to help her.

 _'I didn't think you'll come.'_ -she told her clearly aching while Demelza checked her.

 _'I never thought you would call for me.'_

 _'George did.'_ -she said bitterly.

 _'Well, sorry Elizabeth but apparently you're stuck with me. You'll have to relax if you don't want to suffer much, the babe is upside down. Drink this, it will calm you.'_

Elizabeth didn't talk to her again but did do everything she said to her.

A few hours later she heard a knock on the door in the middle of one of Elizabeth's contractions, it was George, worried for the noises coming from the bedroom, he obviously never heard Elizabeth scream before. He waited outside, when the pain was gone she went to talk to him in the hall.

 _'She's yelling so much, is that normal?'_

 _'You'd be yelling too is there was a child coming out of you.'_ -he looked shocked, and Demelza had to remind herself that George was going to be a father for the first time after all.- _'They're fine. The baby is not in place yet but Elizabeth is ready...'_

 _'I don't think I need to know the details.'_ -he stopped her.- _'Will the child be alright?'_

 _'I think so. I've never delivered a child like this but a saw how it is to be done... I'll do my best George.'_

He just nodded to her and went back to his study. Demelza had never helped with the birth of an upsided babe, but she saw Mss. Martin do it once, it was painful for the mother and risky for the child but they will have to do it. Elizabeth was fully dilated now, it wouldn't take long, she was being brave, more than Demelza would have thought she'd be. She encouraged her to push and to stop and to push again until she saw the little feet and then she could reach the bottom of the babe. It was a boy. Elizabeth was sitting on the edge of the bed with two maids holding her and Mss. Tabb helping Demelza. One more push and it would be it. The baby was big, at least bigger than Demelza expected a premature child would be. He was purple and didn´t cried, not until she gave him little pats on his back. While the other women attended Elizabeth she went to wash him and see how he was. Under the light coming through the window was when she noted his bountiful and dark hair. She held him against her chest wrapped in a blanket, the baby opened his eyes, his Poldark eyes while he held her little finger in his tiny hand. She instinctively looked at Elizabeth, she was watching her paler than before if that was even possible.

She couldn't say anything to her, she walked to the bed and just placed the little child in his mother's arms, picked up her things and went away.

The corridor of the second floor of Trenwith never looked so endless to her, she was almost at the front door when she heard George called for her.

 _'Demelza... I've heard the cried of a child.'_

She unwillingly turned around.

 _'Yes George. You have a son. It was not an easy birth, but they both did a good job.'_

He looked relieved, like any father would be after the birth of his children.

 _'How is Elizabeth?'_

 _'She be resting now, but she'll be fine. It was hard for her, the women will know what to do, you can call me back if you need me.'_

' _I thank you Demelza... I am in debt to you.'_ -he sounded awkward but sincere.

' _No George, you are not. I would have done it for anyone'_

' _Still. Thank you.'_

' _You'll have a valiant son, he is strong.'_

Demelza could see the pride in George eyes but for the first time since she had met him she could also see humility and honesty in them. She felt sorry for him. Because he had married into this predicament without knowing. He could never know. He was another victim of what Ross and Elizabeth had done, like her, the only difference was he was ignorant to all that. She didn't wish to any person what she had gone through, not even if that person deserved it, not even to George Warleggan.

' _Have a good day George.'_ –she told him and meant to go away, but before she could reach the door he call for her again.

' _How would you call him?'_

' _I'm sorry?'_

' _My son. You've seen him and I'm not yet, what name do you think would suit him?'_

Demelza considered his question for a while, and then said:

' _Valentine. Valentine Warleggan.'_

George nodded to her and she curtsied him back and went away from Trenwith.

* * *

Ross had been waiting for Demelza on the road, on the limits of the now enclosed Trenwith territory. As time went by, his anxiety grew and Darkie was starting to get restless due to the inactivity and the humor of his owner. He decided that the best thing he could do was not to go there himself, but he could send Prudie to enquiry why her mistress was taking so long, so he set back to the cottage. But he needn't to get there, he saw her from atop of a cliff sitting on the beach, her green dress getting wet with the call of the waves.

Demelza preferred to walk the way back. They had offered to bring her back in the same big carriage in which they had come for her but she respectfully refused. She needed fresh air. She didn't take the usual road, instead she thought to take a stroll by the sea and the easiest way to do that was going down to the beach by a rocky path near Trenwith and from there back to the house. It was a long walk but the breeze felt good in her face, she had been walking for nearly an hour and her feet were starting to sore, so she sat down in the sand with the elusive sun shining on her now and then.

She was calm. The nerves she felt earlier in the day gone. She barely realized that Ross was near her when he sat down at her side.

' _How did it go?'_

' _Elizabeth has a son.'_

He went silent, not able to read his wife mood.

' _George must be exultant to have an heir. Is the child in good health?'_

' _Yes, he is. Elizabeth is well too.'_

Ross didn't reply.

' _I thought… I've never seen an early child, so I wonder how it would be. If he would be smaller than other babes or if he would be well formed. But he was not any of that… he is even bigger than Jeremy was when he was born.'_

Ross was still silent. He was taken aback for her tranquil attitude and didn't know what to say to not make her think that he worried about Elizabeth.

' _I had him in my arms for a while as Elizabeth was being tended. He looks like his father. With his soft dark hair… and the shape of his nose. I even think he frowned at me.'_ – she sounded amused at the last part.

' _He looks like you.'_ –She said finally.

Ross felt as if the ground was suddenly removed under him.

' _Are you certain?'_ –was everything he managed to say.

' _Yes. I held two new born babies of yours before… yes, I am sure.'_

Ross stood up and walked towards the ocean. His tricorn in his hands, the water near his knees, looking to nowhere. Demelza couldn't see his face, therefore she couldn't know what he was feeling. After all she fought for bringing her mind to it, for let the past be the past and focus on the future, it turned out that it was impossible to leave it behind, now there was always going to be a reminder of his betrayal, a living scar in their lives. She was robbed even from that, even from being the mother of his children. She felt powerless but at the same time peaceful, maybe it was the life inside her that made her strong, but she felt she could face anything life put in her way, even this, she knew she could live with it but wasn't sure if Ross could.

' _I hate her Ross. Truly. I don't want to but I do and I don't like myself for it. 'Til now at least I was the mother of you children but now… Oh Ross!... Go with them if you want to, if you still feel something for her or if you think is the right thing to do. I won't be mad at you for it…'_

Ross had slowly turned around to see her while she was talking.

'… _the babe, his name is Valentine. He is a very handsome boy.'_

' _His name is Valentine Warleggan,'_ –he said strongly at her _–'my only children are Jeremy, Julia and the one growing inside you…'_

His voice was choked by his tears. Demelza looked up at him for a very long moment, her hand covering her eyes to protect her from the sun so she could see him.

' _Why are you crying Ross?'_

' _Because surely you're going to leave me again.'_ –he blurted out. _–'I'm sorry for what I done to you, to us. I've ruined everything…'_

Demelza stretched an arm to him asking for help to get up. He came close to her again and gently pulled her up. She didn't let go his hand, but she did not look at him.

' _Demelza, he's not my son. He's George's...'_

 _'George... Francis and I, we all have part of the blame too...'_

 _'You have not.'_

 _'…but this child... he is innocent. None of what any of us did is his fault.'_

Demelza raised her head and locked her eyes in his.

 _'I don't have any resentment against him, if you want to go with them…'_

' _Oh for God's sake Demelza I don't want to!'_ -he released her grip from him and walked a few steps back. He couldn't face the notion of losing her again. He covered his eyes with one hand and stroked his forehead with his fingers. He felt her hands on his arms again, forcing him to put down the arm from his face and look at her.

' _What you did… what happened between us in the last few days... it doesn't change because he's here. I don't want you apart from me either.'_

It took a while for those words to settle in him. He didn't realize when but his hands had started to shake, Demelza squeezed them and gave a kiss on each one.

 _'I don't deserve you... Remember what you told me? That you had pride in me?, you were wrong. It's me who is proud that you choose me.'_

 _'Ross...'_

 _'And if you are so generous like I know you are, and accept me again, I will work every day for the rest of my life to be a better husband and for you to be proud of me again.'_

Demelza didn't say anything, there were nothing else she could say. She was still hurt, yes, perhaps she forever will be. But even when she was willing to let him go if that's what he wanted, she couldn't foresee her life without him, she loved him, with all his flaws and mistakes, with his wicked smile and dark looks. No one else existed for her but him, and she knew deep in her heart that finally he was only hers, and whatever fate may bring to them they would face it together.

' _You still want me to go home?'_ -she said after a few minutes of hugging.

' _What?'_ -she asked again when he didn't answer.

' _Maybe I can stay with you for a while… we could use the time to remodel the library.'_

' _The library? What for?'_

' _We need a bigger room downstairs, and we could build a couple of bedrooms on the first floor…'_

Demelza looked questioning at him.

' _You know…'_

He said and kissed her

'… _for Jeremy…'_

And kissed her again.

'… _for this little girl…'_

Ross touched her belly.

'… _and the babes to come.'_

And he kissed her again.

Fin.

* * *

AN: I cannot thank you enough for keeping with this story and for the kudos and comments, they meant a lot to me. Sorry once again for the grammar mistakes, I'm really working to improve my english, this is the longest story I've written and it was a very hard work get to this end.

I started to write this when season 2 just ended, in fact the scene between Demelza and George was one of the first that I wrote many, many months ago, because even when I don't like George I still feel sorry for him, kinda.

I hope you enjoyed this last chapter, and please tell me what did you think about it, and how do you think D will react when she founds out...

Thank you again for reading!


End file.
